Coping Up with Grief

To lose a loved one is painful and no amount of comfort from relatives or friends can assuage the pain that you feel. There’s a story in journeyonline.org website:

“My biggest battle with death came when I was just a boy. My father faced a hopeless battle against cancer. Slowly, he was reduced from a giant of a man to someone who was frail and broken. His death left me empty, afraid, and bitter.

“The perfect description of how I felt came the day we buried my father. It was a Saturday. The trip to the cemetery was on the same route that people were going to use for a parade. Just a few minutes after we passed, I sat in the back of the car with my family. We mourned, but none of the people lining the streets for the parade were aware of what was happening to us, happening to me.

“Children didn’t understand why the crowd hushed as the hearse passed. They held balloons in their hands. They had smiles on their faces. I felt empty and alone. Their world was happy. My world was ending.”

A friend of mine just lost her husband a few months ago, due to heart attack.  She felt that being alone was truly a painful journey, especially that her children were living abroad. There were nights she could not sleep. Their moments of togetherness were still fresh in her memory. When these flashed back into her mind, she could not help but cry. She asked the grace of God to help her move on from her grief. Her going to church everyday helped her in her moment of sadness.

Death is a cruel and heartless enemy. All of us deal with death at some time or another. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but there are healthy ways to deal with the grieving process. The website wikiHow.com, suggests the following:

• Face the loss. Allow yourself to cry or grieve. Only by acknowledging your grief can you begin to defeat it. When the loss is fresh, allow yourself a period of time – to be profoundly sad. Don’t allow yourself to be stuck in your sense of loss, paralyzed by self-pity and unable to move forward.

• Let your pain out. Never be afraid to cry, even it’s not something you usually do. What is important is that you recognize the pain and try to work through it.

• Share your feelings with others. It’s healthy to seek out people who will take care of you when you’re suffering. If you can’t find a friend, lean on a compassionate stranger or a priest or counselor.

• Distance yourself from people who aren’t compassionate.  Ignore people who say things like, “Get over it,” “Stop being too sensitive.” They don’t know how you feel. So don’t give their dismissive comments any attention.

• Harbor no regrets. After you lost someone, you may feel guilty. Don’t allow yourself to be consumed by your sense of guilt. You cannot change the past by mulling over it again and again.

• Shift the focus away from sadness. Try to remember the good times and the best memories you shared with the person you’ve lost.