Entitled

Anyone who’s ever complained about working with or dealing with millennials often whines about their sense of entitlement. It is always a dangerous thing to start labeling people and putting them in boxes as what these classifications of Gen-Xers or Millennials or Generation Z often does. But the information is out there. And many but not all of my interactions with them has often proven the statement true. (Some studies might still technically lump me as a millennial myself so this might have been said of me as well.)

But this sense of entitlement, this innate belief that one deserves special privileges simply by being who one is, cuts across most generations. I’ve met many middle-aged entitled people along with entitled young adults and teenagers.

I see it all the time – drivers of motorcycles who hog the middle of the road, cars parked in between parking lines, people who cut lines, people who don’t show up when they say they will, students who think they deserve a much higher grade because they feel like they worked hard (without actually taking results into consideration), employees who demand special treatment, beggars who turn nasty when you don’t give them anything, wealthy people who feel they have to go first, parents who think their children should be treated like prodigies, politicians who believe they’re above the law. In short, people who think the world revolves around them.

If we’re not careful, this entitlement mentality can seep into all aspects of our lives – our work, our relationships, our faith. I’ve heard some people say, for example: “I’ve never asked God for any favors and the one time I did, He didn’t answer my prayer. I’m done with Him.” It’s as though God were not a completely free individual capable of saying yes and no at his pleasure. As though our relationship with Him were between equals and not between creator and creature.

Spiritual masters tell us that it is perfectly normal to be angry and disappointed with God. And realizing this has helped immensely in the growth of my own faith life. But after the anger passes and the tears have washed away the disappointment, I often find that my anger is misplaced and more often than not the root of the tension lies in the fact that my expectations weren’t met. In short, my perceived closeness with God has made me feel entitled to His favors.

Which is why I’m a bit wary of “claiming” my blessings or victories. I know all too well that I really don’t deserve anything. And anything that is given is a gift, not a reward. I have to constantly remind myself that I have no capital at all to begin with. I remember reading a book by St. Francis de Sales on being devout. If one is sick, he advised, one should beg God for healing and go see a doctor. If he is healed, he says thank you. And if he isn’t, he still says thank you.

Gratitude, it seems, is the antidote to entitlement. Because gratitude for gifts received is the certain knowledge that we are all poor to begin with. Therefore gifts have little to do with the importance of those who receive them and everything to do with the generosity of those who give them.