Appeasing feelings of Rage

You may be a very peace-loving person. But when everyday problems or tensions build up, you eventually come to a breaking point - and give in to violent impulse. After a violent fit, as soon as you come back to your senses, you condemn your own fury. You hate yourself for going out of control. And the feeling of self-disappointment makes you angry all the more and, thus, liable to perpetuate the very behavior you despise.

A violent feeling often finds release in causing hurt or harm. What's worse, rage is infamous for taking out on the closest target available - often oneself or a loved one, or both. When anger is directed at oneself, it manifests in self-destructive behavior. Bad habits and addictions often develop. When the target is a loved one such as a child, spouse, parent or friend, it usually results in physical or psychological abuse.

Actually, the possibility of a violent outburst can be avoided, experts say. There are ways, very simple but effective, to deliver you and your loved ones from your own wrath. It only takes conscious and consistent effort.

Any one, or a combination, of the following techniques may help:

Take a pause. At the instance of a growing annoyance, stop and take a deep breath. Concentrate on your breathing. Count how many breaths you take in two or three minutes. This is really relaxing. The oxygen intake is likely to cool you down.

Divert your attention. Turn to something else. Make a phone call. It doesn't matter who you call - a friend, a family member, or even a local store for information. Talk with someone who is not involved in your current temperament. The idea is to veer your mind away and diffuse the firepower inside you.

Go into the bathroom. Often the bathroom is the only place to get some privacy and quiet. Take along some magazines or books, even a small radio set or cassette or CD player. Sit and relax for a few minutes. Take some time to analyze the situation and think of ways to make it better. Maybe your anger has some valid grounds, but how is violence going to help? It can only make the situation worse.

Look in the mirror. Go where there's a mirror and spend a few minutes talking to your own reflection. Talk out what's bothering you. When you're in a place where there are other people around, try talking to yourself mentally. No one will know what you're doing.

Get something to eat. Sit down alone and munch on a fruit or a sandwich. For some people, chewing helps relieve tension and release emotions. Besides, it's funny how simple hunger can sometimes make us turn miserable.

Find an inanimate target to hit. If you can't resist the urge to hit someone, hit something instead. For instance, punch your bed if you're at home. If you're out, find a post or a tree to kick - just be careful not to hurt your foot. It's always safer to hit a thing; it won't fight back.

Grab a magazine and rip it up. Rip a few pages at a time, then sit down and put the pages together like a jigsaw puzzle and read it. If the pages are really in tatters, it will take some time to piece everything together, thus allowing you to cool down a bit in the process.

Do some physical exercise. Physical activity is one of the best alternatives for getting rid of angry feelings. Go for a walk for 10 or 15 minutes. Or, lie down on the floor and do some simple exercises, say, a few sit-ups or push-ups. Doing exercises can help direct your anger into a more positive activity, while at the same time also diffusing the bad feeling.

Write down your angry thoughts and feelings. Write as much as you can about how you feel and what you'd like to do about it. You're the only one who's going to read it, so write whatever comes to mind without censoring. Try to get your bad feeling out on paper so it doesn't have to be expressed in a fight or in a physical way.

Consider calling a qualified counselor or therapist. If your violent feelings persist after diligent efforts to calm yourself down - when nothing seems to bring you relief - then some professional help may be necessary. A trained professional can help you talk out your anger or suggest other safe alternatives of dealing with it.

Rage or fury may have the power to break us. But such power actually comes from us. If we don't feed to it, the negative impulse will just die away.