Table Manner

With the holiday season here, most of us will be sharing meals with family, friends and associates. As we get caught up in the excitement of gift giving, jovial conversations and holiday merriment, it may be necessary to remind ourselves of some basic tablemanners.

While there is no graceful way to correct a guest's manners, no matter how inappropriate they may seem, the best way to ensure they behave nicely is to set a good example.

. Do not bring anything extra to the table such as uneaten bits of finger food, cigarettes or cocktail glasses.

. Do not make food-related noises while eating. This means no slurping, gurgling or swishing.

. Do not rest your elbows on the table or pick food out from between your teeth.

. If you need to cough or sneeze, turn your head away from the table and cover your mouth with your hand.

. When a plate of food has been finished, the fork and knife should be placed on the plate, sharp side of the blade facing in, the fork tines down, to the left of the knife. (In American style the tines would be up.)

. Used silver is never placed on the table or  left in  a cup. A soup spoon is left in a large soup plate. Unused silver is left on the table.

. Napkins are placed on the lap, entirely open if they are lunch size, or in half, folded the long way, if they are dinner napkins. Guests wait until the hostess has taken up hers before placing their own on their laps, unless it is buffet service and guests are urged to eat while the food is hot.

. The tipping of soup or dessert dishes is acceptable, in order to enjoy every last sip of liquid, provided you tip the plate away from you not toward you.

. If there is gravy for the meat, do not pour it over everything on your plate but only over the meat. If you are in a restaurant, pouring that all American catsup all over food is an insult to the chef and is exceedingly awkward. Catsup is for hamburgers and non-gourmet dishes.

. It is an insult to the cook, professional or not, to shake salt and pepper indiscriminately over food you have not first tasted. This is improper at home or in a restaurant or in someone else's home. This heavy pouring of salt is also very bad for your health anyway.

. No diner may change the hostess' seating plan. One occasionally sees this - a social climber will sneak over to the table to change his place, in order to be seated in between people who will help him with that climbing. Such people are always caught in the act, and it inevitably means the end of their social reputations.

. Large stemmed glasses are held with the thumb and first two fingers at the base of the bowl. If they contain chilled white wine or rose, however, they are held by the stem so as not to heat the wine with one's fingers.

. If you need to remove something from your mouth, place it directly on the edge of your plate, using your napkin to camouflage the act. Do not spit the offending piece into your napkin, raise your fork to your mouth, slide the unwanted inedible back onto your fork, and then return it to your plate.

. Do not rush your guests. Allow them all the time they need to enjoy the meal and encourage conversation.

Accidents happen. If someone spills something, even if it is on your grandmother's prized tablecloth, react with aplomb, assuring your guest that there isn't any problem, and quickly fetch whatever you need to clean up the spill.

Do not be too nervous about table manners, though; you do not want to become so caught up in minding your do's and don'ts that you become a frazzled mess. Try your best to be polite and genteel, and hope your guests follow your good example. Focus on your real goal - providing an atmosphere in which guests can relax, enjoy themselves and eat the delicious food you have prepared.