Etiquette on Funerals

Like many things in life, it is important to know proper funeral etiquette. While the accepted customs of behavior and dress have changed over time,courtesy never goes out of style. Here's what you should remember about funeral matters and manners:

Often times when people face the mystery of death, they turn to religion for comfort, understanding and help. However un-rooted we may be in our religious beliefs, in time of death we turn to the formalities and the warmth of religion, the priest, minister or pastor. The rites should be kept solemn, dignified and supportive of those who feel the loss the most.

A mature member of the family or close friend should be chosen to be in charge of funeral arrangements. He or she will coordinate all events, the funeral parlor and the cemetery, as well as provide friends with a list of people to call to notify of the death, and seeing to it that the family is taken care of.

The person in charge should see to it that relatives or friends from out of town are notified of the death. He also makes hotel arrangements for the people arriving from far away and see to it that they are supplied with transportation. After the funeral, someone should give a luncheon or even a merienda for the out-of-town guests and the family.

After receiving the news that a loved one has died, take a few moments to send condolences to the family. If the deceased person was a close family member or friend, a quick phone call expressing your sympathy is okay to do. Express to the surviving family members how sorry you are for their loss and offer your help in any way.

The trend today is toward simple funerals even among people who can afford elaborate ones. Most wakes are held in a funeral parlor, even when home facilities are quite adequate to accommodate large numbers. The religious service itself is held either in a chapel at the funeral home or in a church. In the latter case, the casket is taken from the funeral home to the church on the day of the funeral. Immediately following the service, the casket is taken to its final resting place.

Unless the words "private funeral" appear in the death notice, any friend or acquaintance of the deceased may attend the services. If it is known that the interment is private, no one should ask to attend. A separated spouse of the deceased, who remained on good terms with the latter, should most certainly attend the funeral if he or she so chooses. It is not only appropriate but can be a source of comfort to any children of the marriage. But the separated spouse should not expect to be seated with the family and not do so unless asked.

Here are some simple guidelines and reminders:

.           Send a sympathy card or note.

.           Send a small sympathy gift or flower arrangement to surviving family member's home.

.           Do not worry about thanking anyone for their condolences immediately after you receive them. No one expects you to follow the rules of social etiquette while grieving the loss of

             a loved one.

.           Since manypeople go out of their way to express their love and support at this time, a thank-you note should be sent  following the funeral.

Even though    the funeral and burial is over, the amily's grieving will continue for an uncertain amount of time.

Funeral etiquette afterward includes:

.           Checking in with the family periodically to see how things are going.

.           You can send a card or note expressing your concern for how they are doing.

.           Do mention the deceased person's name when visiting with the family.

.           Remember the family during the holidays, anniversaries and birthdays.

These pointers are just guidelines as to what is acceptable. But always remember that each funeral is different so the standards may vary.