More time for the family

CEBU, Philippines - In our modern time of economic hurdles, it has become more and more common for both parents to be working. The situation leaves many families with less time to be together. The parental function often gets sacrificed and children have to learn on their own the fundamentals of living.

Today's workplace allows only a few days of paid "leaves" for employees, the number to be spread throughout the year. It's often not easy to lump several days together, unless there is compelling reason for it. In other words, working parents cannot just file, say, a weeklong vacation leave because they want to have uninterrupted time to be "parents" in their homes.

Even if vacation leaves, sick leaves and all other allowable leaves were to be put together, it still does not amount to much for working parents to truly carry out their child-rearing function. For one, it only makes a month at most, leaving most of the other 11 months only very loosely taken care of. Is it a wonder why more kids are having problems at school and misbehaving at home?

My neighbor's grade-school son had a problem at school recently. The boy reportedly chose to remain in the classroom when the teacher told the whole class to go outside and pick up whatever litter they could find in the schoolyard. It was bad enough that he refused to abide by the teacher's order. Worse, as the class went back in, everyone was shocked to see trash scattered all over the room.

The boy denied that he was the one who did it. But the teacher, in the meeting with the boy and his father later at the principal's office, insisted that no one else could have done it, since the boy was all alone in the room. The father demanded that the boy tell the truth. Of course, the boy denied vehemently, especially with the teacher and the principal around.

But the little brat told a different story at home. When further pressed by his father, he acquiesced that he indeed did it. Perhaps out of annoyance for having to admit his fault, the boy gave a wicked defense for his deed. He did it because he "just wanted to be the devil!" It was his way of expressing his need for attention.

For working parents it can require quite complicated planning and terse conversations at the dinner table to try to balance it all. Who is going to skip work when a child gets sick? Who is attending another child's first sports competition? Who comes to the PTA meetings?

Parents need to devote quality time for the family outside of weekends. And, according to James David in a post at www.workingmom.com, parents need to masterly work their allowable work vacations to align completely with school breaks. So how do you make all of this work without having to clone yourself?

David suggests that besides trying to erase the feeling that they are running up a down escalator, trying to get to the top before reaching the bottom, most parents may choose to also try one or more of the following options:

1.Try negotiating for more paid leaves from your employers, where the usual salary increase is not possible. It may not improve the family's financial state, but it could mean more bonding time.

2.Try to propose a flexible work schedule that allows for partial days off when a full day isn't needed to finish a day's tasks. A full day's pay is in order, of course, since the day's job is completed just the same. If it's not possible with your present job, be on the lookout for such job in the employment market.

3.Try sharing responsibilities not only with your spouse but with other family partners as well, like grandparents, aunts, uncles and others who are available and willing to help.

4.If you can negotiate for better salary, spend the extra amount to hire dependable people for the routine housework, so that you can devote all your time at home for your main parenting function.

David admits that none of those ideas seem like great solutions of course. None of those allow you to work hard to play hard. The balance required takes great skill. And these options definitely don't allow for as much rejuvenation and true time off with family as most would like and need.

Just like incomes need to increase to keep up with the cost of living, David adds, policies like officially allowed - and paid - leaves in the workplace need to be reviewed. He notes that many nations are already undertaking initiatives on this. David further analyzes that today's working parents do not only work in the workplace, they also work at home, making quality time for the family really hard to come by.

The family being the basic unit of society, perhaps this "family time" dilemma of working parents warrants not only consideration by individual employers but better government legislation as well. (FREEMAN)