Helping Kids Handle Teasing

CEBU, Philippines - No kid has never experienced being teased - for being onion-skinned to having dental braces, to being the water boy in the basketball club.

We adults, too, had been through a point in our lives when we endured teasing from our friends, classmates, neighbors, and even our own siblings. We pondered and asked ourselves why we were subjected to such stress.

Today, social networking sites like Facebook have also contributed to kids getting teased, because they get exposed to a world where people always have something to say to a person.

 Some children can handle teasing with grace and experience only a minimal amount of difficulty responding to the playful or funny tirades. For many, however, teasing leads to social seclusion and affect their self-esteem.

 When the teasing is frequent, it becomes a burden for children. The teasing becomes a painful experience for them. It can have an impact on how children relate to other people. Sometimes they feel that they have lost their identities.

As adults, our role is not just to sympathize with the children but to be their shelter and armor. When our child arrives home teary-eyed due to the teasing by his classmates, let us act on the situation immediately.

Children need the parents' comfort and guidance on responding to the teasing. The Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc. Dolores Aboitiz Children's Fund believes that frequent teasing can lead to a more serious problem that would later on affect the overall development of children if not promptly acted upon by parents.

Parents can teach their children helpful ways to effective ways of responding to teasers.

Find out the root cause of the teasing.

Parents shall try to find out from their children what possibly caused the tease. They shall ask for the specifics of the situation. For example, parents need to ask what the teasing is all about, when it happened, who does it, and where the teasing occurred.

The child shall be encouraged to tell you the truth. Parents shall calmly listen and show him that they understand and empathize with his feelings. It helps to ask the child, too, how he reacted to different episodes of the teasing and what happened afterwards. "Did they hurt you?" "What did you say to them?" "What did you do next?" are just some of the questions to ask.

Once the parents have initial information, they must observe for a few days the teasing incidents involving the child; what triggers it and the pattern of the teasing. This way, they can think up ways for the child to respond to the situation if it continues to occur.

Have the child avoid his teaser.

The simplest way to avoid the teasing is to avoid the teaser. This advice is most important, especially so as not to aggravate the situation. Parents shall explain to the child on how to do this. First is to remind him to walk a different way or direction. He can also stay near a group of children or adults to keep the teaser at bay.

 Staying away from possible teasing is a safe way to also avoid bullying. This is especially true for children who don't have the confidence to respond verbally to their teasers.

Ignoring the teaser is another good way to make him give up. There is no teaser if he has no audience. Parents can teach their children to just walk straight, smile, and say no word.

Role-play the situation.

Parents shall talk with the child about which of strategies may work best for him. Practicing the situation by role-playing with the child helps. First, child shall be asked to narrate the incidences when he got teased by his classmates or friends. From there, both parents and child can create a situation where they can apply strategies.

For example, this situation: The child is walking in the hallway, and somebody calls him clumsy. Parents shall advise their child not to fight and tease back. When he says something hurtful to his teasers, it the situation may just worsen.

 Parents may begin by teaching the child the magic of self-control. They shall ask the child to picture himself with an invisible shield. Every time his teasers attack him with hurtful words, the words can't get through his protection. Or the child can be told to imagine himself as a super hero who is can stay safe from all those teases and put-downs.

 Or the kid may also be taught to develop a confident voice whenever responding to his teaser. Parents can help their child practice self-talk. This is a silent pep talk technique that one says to himself statements like, "What my classmate said is not true. I know the truth about myself better than him."

 If the teasing still continues, the child shall be reminded to just calmly walk away from the teaser. One important thing is to never look upset or affected, as it will just encourage the teaser to go on with the teasing.

Ask for help.

If parents can't anymore control the situation, it's time to ask for assistance from the school guidance counselor, or principal school or staff. Many schools have programs that deal with frequent teasing, studying patterns like whether it happens during recess or inside the classroom and establishing ways to deal with it.

 However, if some changes in the behavior of your child are observed (like the child doesn't want to go to school anymore or seems really bothered), it's already time to discuss the matter with a doctor.

(Helpful Resource: http://msppinterface.org/guides/teasing) (FREEMAN)