On Our Knees

The series of tragedies that have befallen in our land lately are, indeed, bewildering. Some try to figure it out and say it's the wrath of God for our sins. Others counter that God shouldn't be blamed, for it is clearly the work of the devil.

Filipinos are a devout people, with varied religious ideals and practices. We attribute many events in our lives to some numinous power, whether good or evil. But we believe that the ultimate ruler of the cosmos is a kind and benevolent God.

Christians, which the vast majority of our nation are, further hold that "God loves us so much that He gave His only son" to clear us of our sins. It is, thus, very unlikely to be the will of our loving and supreme God that we be put in harm's way or be led into untold grief and suffering as we had seen in these past days. Punishment just isn't in the nature of the God we believe in.

Is it the work of the devil then? If so, why does our good God let the devil have his way? Our God is supposedly Almighty that "not a leaf will fall from a twig of a tree" if not by His will. In the light of recent events, one really needs robust religious moorings not to be swayed to take the concept of a benevolent and all-powerful God as mere legend.

Our scientists tend to suggest that all the calamities that come our way are of our own making, short of saying that God is not necessarily a factor on the matter. They have an explanation on the human role in the occurrence of present-day natural disasters, like an intensity 7.2 earthquake or a super typhoon. It says people trigger the forces of nature to go wild by causing the global climate to change because of their reckless use of natural resources.

So we are to blame, after all. Probably true. If we consider how we devise our own tragedies when nature is at peace, it is not very unlikely that we indeed have a perversion for self-destruction. The devastations in Zamboanga, Bohol and Tacloban only differ in terms of scale; the sufferings of each group of victims are probably all the same.

What's odd is how our authorities often try to blur the picture of human evil by giving so-called expert analyses on events. The fate of innocent victims caught in the crossfire in Zamboanga is trivialized as a normal thing in any political unrest. The looting in Tacloban is described as merely expected behavior of hungry people, even the looting of non-food items.

Maybe it's a coping mechanism. We try to soften the gravity of an event by rationalizing it. For as long as we can explain a situation, we come out looking like we're on top of it.

But we can only bluff for so long. At some point we just have to face the truth, admit our human limitations. Life is just too large for us to control by ourselves alone.

My friend Steven Ling, a Buddhist monk, assures me: "God is not mere legend, He is real. He is not in heaven, He is here. He does not hide in cathedrals or temples. God is much closer than commonly thought; He is in us – to be our guide." But, Mr. Ling adds, we need to "trim down our lush egos to give God space to work in our lives."

I need to hear those words. Faith in God is a continual struggle with me. At times I am tempted to think that God is only my own mental creation, my faith easily gets led astray by too much intellectualizing.

I want to believe in God, for all my doubts of Him to vanish. I seek His help in my budding faith. There are many things about God I don't understand.

But I know that many of the pains we experience we cause to ourselves from our own lack of wisdom, from our lack of God in our lives. Still, the stench of death and moans of suffering that follow every tragedy are beyond my human capacity to comprehend. I often question, even blame, God for allowing it.

It is indeed the greatest test of our faith to continue trusting in the God of love and mercy to look after us, as we shudder in fright amid the worst earthly circumstances. But bringing us to our knees is perhaps God's way to make us come to our senses, to make us wiser or to preclude our everlasting ruin.