Jhufel M. Querikiol

CEBU, Philippines - Some say it's the strong.  Some say it's the light.  Some say the real king does not go below or beyond five(that's the alcohol content, ok).  Some say kingship has something to do with the effect.  Some say it's the brand.  Some say it's the price.  Some say, I don't mind.  Some say just get me another bottle and we're alright. 

If you want my personal opinion on this matter, I'd say the basis for the selection has to be established first before we can proclaim the real king.  But that would be too subjective if you take only my humble judgment on this matter, without considering the billions of beer drinking people around the world who also are very eager to cast their votes(or the thousands of my beer drinking comrades in the city).  And if you don't include them in the casting, a beer riot might erupt.  And I don't want that to happen because as a beer drinker, I'm more of the active-non-violent type.  My comrades, they know me well.  I just take in whatever is in the bucket, munch heavy on the pulutan(sisig is my favorite, of course), enjoy the music, sing a few songs on the karaoke(because if you don't sing they'd think you have a problem), and lastly take in as much fresh air as I can specially if my troop decides to just settle outdoors.  But we can try.  So, will you be so kind as to drink with me and help me find the basis so we could proclaim the real king of beers in time for Octoberfest, comrade?  Would a bribe of two buckets of beer okay with you or would you want two cases?(Hey, don't let me spend that much because my 13th month is still in the 10th month.  Haha).  This is going to be a long night of drinking.  So, shall we start?  Two buckets, please!

STRONG.  Saves a lot of money.  Agree?  Yes, that's true especially if you still have to work your way day after day to the next pay day.  Very practical way to enjoy the night away.  In my very recent trips to the gasoline station and the uptown's favorites, I never had trouble figuring out which type of beer is prefered by most drinkers.  I could see it right away while I look for a parking space.  The beers are just right there, few inches away from the windshield, freezing inside aluminum buckets full of tube ice.  I would be too hyprocritical if I say I don't want this beer.  I'll drink a bottle or two or maybe three, depending on the occassion.  However popular this beer maybe, I don't think being strong is already the basis for the selection that we're trying to do here.  Primarily because the stronger the beer you consume, the faster you get drunk or get "kicked", as many resto-bar regulars would say.  Once this happens, you have no choice but leave your car where you parked it and get a taxi and pray you're not gonna pass out. So what seemed at first to be a "good feel" is now a "bad feel" because you miscalculated your limit.  Could this be the king already?

LIGHT.  This beer is good if you still have other things to do after drinking.  It won't knock you the way a strong beer does because the alcohol content is not that high.  You can take in as many as 10 bottles and still not get drunk.  But you will see your belly bulge into its future form.  If ladies are in the house, this beer could be the best for them (though some girls and women nowadays prefer rhum or vodka or strong beer).  As a big beer fan, I seldom see men drinking light(which is also true for me).  I don't drink light because if the goal of beer drinking is to feel good, I have to get there as fast as I can, whatever it takes to save time.  So, if what's in the bucket are all light beer, do you think I'll be able to achieve my goal as fast as I can?  So my suggestion is this: give light beer to the ladies. Based on observation, ladies get drunk faster than men.  Well, don't ask me why! (I'm just an avid fan, okay).  Of course you can argue further by saying, "it all depends."  Yes I understand if you say that because some women really don't get drunk easily.  This is just my observation and you are always entitled to refute it.  So, if this type of beer is preferred only by a handful of men, could this be the king of beers?

PILSNER.  Brewed first in the city of Plzn in the Czech Republic in 1877. Although considered as a light beer, but due to the strong additional flavor of hops apart from the usual malt, I believe, this could already be any beer that drinkers call "pale."  With only 5 percent alcohol in every bottle, this no doubt could already be the king of beers that we have been looking for all this time.  Not strong, not light.  Just frozen in between; which means that there is practically no need to worry about the number of bottles you consume in case your house is still on the seventh mountain.  No need to worry also about bulging bellies or the feeling of "punga"(temporary occassional heaviness of breathing due to acid reflux many drinkers feel when they take in beer).  So the limit (which varies from drinker to drinker) is a little safe when it comes to this kind of beer.  Personally, I prefer this beer because the "feel good effect" that one gets in drinking beer doesn't get to you slow or fast.  It hits you right where you want it; not in the back, like strong beer, or in the belly, like the light beer.  Because you can control the effect it does on you, no wonder why many drinkers would say that any drinker can actually or literally see the "feel good effect" coming at him like an empty jeepney approaching very early in the morning!  So, this beer is the perfect beer, so to say.  Could this already be the king of beers, my friend?

These three general types of beer here seem to be equally attractive to  different types of beer drinkers.  I realize that every drinker has every right to his kind of beer which only poses more problems to our little research.  Beer drinking is relative.  Hence, looking for the real king of beers seems to be in vain.  To the problematic, strong beer is the king.  To the busy yet wants to unwind a bit, the light beer is the king.  To the slightly problematic-slightly busy, the pilsner is the king.  If this is the case, then we can now go home my friend without ever finding the answer to our little question posed at the beginning of this little discussion.  Start your engine and I'll start mine or you take a cab and I'll take a jeepney and let's race back to our respective homes with the question still buzzing inside our heads:  Who is the real king of beers?  With that, we can both go to sleep and wake up the next morning and when night falls we can drink again and start looking for the real king of beers again.  Well, okay, if that's what you want then go ahead I'll go get you  a taxi.  But if you can stay with me for one more bottle or shall we say "one for the road", then maybe and maybe then we can both figure out the real king of beers.  Maybe we'll open another topic like "graft" or "war" or "work" or "business" the next time we drink but not anymore about the king of beers.  So, let's finish the discussion.

Who really is the king of beers?

Well, for me, the real king of beers is not a beer.  You may not agree with me on this but it's true.  Beer drinking is subjective so that no one can really say which kind of beer is the king.  So if we follow the literal way of finding our way to the real king of beers, we're at a dead end.  However, if we go beyond the beer themselves and think about the one drinking the beer, then bingo we just found our king and that's you and me and each of the indefinite number of beer drinkers all over the world, my friend.  You are the real king of beers, my friend!  I am too! A strong beer can never knock you out if you are careful.  A light beer does not have the power to take control of you unless you allow it to control you.  A pilsner, no matter how perfect it is, does not have the power to get you drunk without your consent.  A real king is lord over all the mugs and barrels of beer this entire planet can offer.  How wonderful this world would become if we, beer drinkers would think we are all kings over our beers!  Negative things attached to beer drinking would be replaced with positive things like friendship, intellectual discussion, celebration of life, or even that "feel good effect" which my uncle meant when he said "drink to feel good not to get drunk." Mainly because, if we are kings, we do not allow our beers to be kings over us.  We are the kings and so we control the number of bottles of beer that will ever get into our bloodstreams, may they be strong, light, or pilsner.  We are kings, so when we think we have reached our limits, we stop.  Go home.  Sleep.  Hey friend, don't sleep yet.  I'll go get you a cab, alright?

Remember, like me, you are a king.  Drink responsibly! (FREEMAN)