The Butt of It

I’ve observed that many people, the young especially, like to have a name conspicuously printed on the rear side of their pants. It’s not their own names they want to display but someone else’s, those belonging to complete strangers. It’s crazy, yes, but it’s true.

The reason for it is probably that they want anyone who glances at their butts to instantly know that they have spent what it takes to have something expensive or classy. They are willing to pay extra for the privilege of carrying the name of Calvin Klein or Viktor or some guy named Tommy.

I myself don’t feel comfortable wearing pants with a name on its outer backside. It would be presumptuous of me to be flaunting the names of the big fashion trendsetters as if we were close friends. Or, if it were my own name there, I’d only be inviting pranksters to make fun of me.

Besides, why should I be giving the brands free advertising and, in return, be made to pay more for doing them the favor?

Even if I sometimes buy a piece of the so-called “original” – and, naturally, more expensive – pants, I quickly remove the outer label upon reaching home from the store. I have no qualms, though, wearing shirts with names of establishments or organizations on them, especially if they are given for free by people I know. These people are only too grateful that I carry their names around.

If there’s a particular design of jeans you like but cannot afford the price of a “branded” pair, let me tell you where to go. No, not the sidewalk stalls that sell imitation items. Good tailoring shops abound along the city’s Sanciangko and Manalili Streets. There, you can choose the right textile and explain to the friendly tailor exactly what style of pants you want.

A good, meticulously custom-made pair will cost you only about half or even less of what you’ll pay for the same thing at the department store. But don’t insist on a label bearing some supposedly distinguished brand name attached at the rear side. It might land the poor tailor in legal trouble.

It’s really a wonder how so willing people are to spend extra money just to be able to sit on a designer’s name. And this penchant is not meant to be derogatory to designers. It is, in fact, a gesture of high regard.

It’s understandable why designer items are expensive. They are widely advertised, with famous celebrities as endorsers. Advertising alone costs big money. And when you consider the huge capital it takes to produce the items in the first place, the figure is much, much bigger.

Then you add in the amount that the designer wants for his intellectual property rights – the price for his idea or design. And if the designer, who’s also the businessman, had to borrow money to run his enterprise, the loan premiums will have to be factored into the price of each item produced.

This subject of designer jeans – or designer clothes, in general – comes to my mind as I recall the high-handed remarks of a foreign-based fashion designer, accusing Filipinos of counterfeiting his brand. The guy said that counterfeit jeans and shirts bearing his name were openly sold in the country.

Maybe there was truth to the guy’s allegation. But who would not be enticed to buy imitation clothes that closely resemble those expensive brands but at a low, low price? “Because, in the case of designer jeans,” their marketers would say, “only the genuine article can draw admiring glances to your buttocks.”

Ah, so that’s what those labels do. Is that all there is to justify the high prices? The fakes have those labels too. I thought that high-priced designer jeans were inimitably more comfortable to wear, and more durable as well.

I asked a stylish neighborhood kid if there was any noticeable difference in quality between a “branded” and a nameless pair of jeans. “Not much difference,” he said. “Many cheaply priced pants fit quite well, just like the expensive ones.” Then he added, “But I’d be embarrassed if my friends would see me in jeans that didn’t have a good brand name on it.”

Well, if the label on my own pants read “Bútyok” or “Ayót” or any other funny name like that, I’d probably be embarrassed to display it, too. I would not expose myself to ridicule. But so long as it’s comfortable, I’ll wear the pants – less the label, of course.

“Let me explain,” the kid insisted. “By having something like a good pair of Levi’s or another established brand, you are making a social statement. You are, like, saying to people that good quality matters to you. It could also mean you have money to spend.”

It never occurred to me that the butt can also be used to make a statement, except perhaps in the privacy of the matrimonial bedroom. For purposes of making a public declaration, I’d use a placard. Or, if I didn’t have this column and had the money to spend, I’d buy some space on a page of The Freeman.

Let’s get to the butt of it: Why do you think people look at other people’s behind? Is it really to see the brand of the jeans they are wearing? Or to look for a statement there? Oh, come on, are you kidding me?

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