Sweet but Empty

It is in our social nature to like to compliment others. Which is a good thing. To notice and sincerely acknowledge the nice things about others is gracious, and easily builds goodwill.

But anything nice and desirable soon gets its fake and valueless counterpart. Like counterfeit money, for example. In the same manner, complimenting others can stretch out of bounds.

Nowadays the line that distinguishes genuine compliment from empty praise is very thin. Many times we find ourselves in a situation where we just have to say a nice remark, even if we have to lie about it. Here, sincere compliment becomes sheer flattery, its own fake counterpart.

Flattery comes in many kinds, and out of various motives. But always it comes in words that are sweet and nice to hear. In the office, it often has the face of an employee that praises the boss, in the hope of gaining special favors.

At times, flattery works. Which makes us think that it's okay to indulge in this much welcome placebo, rather than really working honestly in order to attain whatever benefit we want to gain. But anything fake eventually gets exposed.

In my previous company, we had someone who propelled herself up in the corporate ladder by using flattery. She would react approvingly every time the big boss had an idea. It was like an automatic response with her; she didn't need to think first before reacting to the boss' thoughts.

It worked for her in the beginning. Her flatteries made the boss feel his ideas were always right. And the flatterer had to always take the lead in trying to make the boss' idea work; otherwise he might think she found his ideas to be undoable. She had to be consistent.

After a while, the truth began to surface. The lady's performance waned, as she assumed much more tasks than she could effectively do. The boss was disappointed.

Although she was allowed to keep her job, she was obviously undone with the boss. He turned brash and rough towards her. For sure the lady was not happy where she ended up in.

Flattery always involves an ulterior motive on the part of the flatterer. A person flatters another in the hope of getting some favors in return. It is a shortcut to be in another's graces.

The thing with flattery is that it is addictive. The flatterer needs to feed more and more of it. And as the amount of empty praise increases, its effect decreases.

The flatterer eventually becomes slave to his own devised monster. If he is not consistent, he will get devoured. In the end it, can look like flattering is a much harder thing to do than just honestly doing the hard thing to earn somebody's goodwill.

Flattery can never be trusted. The flatterer himself cannot trust his own behavior; he is forever torn between the honest dictates of his heart and the wanton recklessness of his lips. No true friendship can come out of flattery; nothing stands on illusory grounds.

Only the truth holds. The truth does not change; you don't have to worry about being consistent. Go and spot the good in others. Give compliment where compliment is due.

Do not attempt to buy others' acceptance by faking yourself. Like fake money, in time, empty words will expose their worthlessness. And that will only breed contempt, the exact opposite of what you set out to gain.

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