Early Start: Raising good children (last of two parts)

CEBU, Philippines - Last week we talked about helping children develop empathy, conscience, and self-control as ways to bring up moral children.

Just to remind our readers, we are defining moral intelligence as the capacity to understand right from wrong, to have strong ethical convictions and to act on them so that one behaves in the right and honorable way.

Below are other elements that make up a child's moral character and some ideas what you, as a parent, can do to cultivate them. 

RESPECT is about showing you value others by treating them in a courteous and considerate way.

Lead by example. Treat your child and those around you with respect. Even very young children understand and value being respected and will treat others the same way. Often you will find that bullies and people who are disrespectful have been bullied and disrespected by those closest to them.

Teach your children the rules of manners and proper conduct. Practice them at home and when you are out.

When your children are older, ask them what they think or feel about certain things. This shows that you respect their opinion and feelings.

KINDNESS is demonstrating concern about the welfare and feelings of others.

Be kind in your own thoughts, words and actions.

Seize and create opportunities for kindness. Ask your child, "What do you think would make Lola happy?" and then do it. Look for opportunities to demonstrate or practice kindness in everyday, regular activities. Point out how kind actions make other people feel.

When your child is unkind, talk about the effects and how the other person feels. Then come up with a way to show kindness to that person.

Another way to help your child practice kindness is by helping him or her develop long-term caring relationships. Giving your child or family a pet is one good way to get your child to demonstrate being caring, gentle, and looking after the welfare of another living being.

TOLERANCE is respecting the dignity and rights of all persons, even those beliefs behaviors we many disagree with.

Become aware of and reflect upon your own prejudices. We all have them and oftentimes don't know why. It is important to understand where your negative feelings come from in order to move on and get over them.

Watch your own words and your tone of voice. Children pick up parents' prejudices and stereotypes and perpetuate them.

Read stories about different people, cultures, and beliefs and talk about them in a positive manner. Explore different cultures through exposure to food, art, music, and travel.

Allow your child to interact with and get to know people from different schools, neighborhoods, and socioeconomic backgrounds. There is no better way to destroy prejudice than by making the unfamiliar a part of your own life.

FAIRNESS or being just is choosing to be free from bias and to be in conformity with the rules and standards.

Treat your child fairly. This does not mean treating them the same, but it means getting to know your child and giving each child what she or he needs.

Play games with rules. Talk about rules and why they are needed. To make this concrete, try playing the game without the rules and see what happens.

Teach your child to share and take turns.

When your child says something is unfair, get him/her to try to explain why and to identify a way to make it more fair. Empower your child to stand up against unfairness or injustice. Role play situations so children can practice what to say in these situations.

Source: Building Moral Intelligence by Dr. Michele Borba (Jossey-Bass Publishers, 2001)

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The FREEMAN and the Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc. is running weekly features on Early Childhood Care and Development to emphasize the importance of Early Childhood Care and Development (ECCD) and to increase public support for ECCD.