Universal Cancer

CEBU, Philippines - Inside my undersized room, I was just sitting down on the floor with my back pressed heavily against the cold wall, thinking of nothing —sounds impossible, one can say. But no, it’s possible. You can think of nothing. Your mind feels so empty that nothing comes in and comes out.  It’s a symptom of a very common cancer. A cancer that I once thought as an epidemic(it’s not hereditary). A cancer with known and unknown causes. With no further delay,  say hello to the universal cancer —Boredom. I’m suffering from it —badly as ever. How many out there have this kind of cancer? I assume there’s a lot of us suffering from this, are you too? For the 1031222nd time in my life, I found myself as a cancer warrior. I’ve fallen once again as a very perfect victim.

MAYDAY! MAYDAY! Intruder Alert! I feel the evil cancer cells spreading fast throughout my body, bullying every group of good cells within their coverage. I even feel it getting inside my soul —my mind. Now, it’s all over my body. Their Invasion has been a success. And sad to say, not even chemotherapy or any anticancer pills can help me with this one.

It was the only cancer that is painless, and just like most cancers —its goal is to make you close your eyes forever. I closed my eyes —paradoxically, it made me see a lot of things —made me visualize(just to be exact). A few seconds later, I noticed that it was becoming a schizophrenic experience —a very familiar experience. My Maya(fantasy) awareness was at its all time high.

I went to a place. A place where I can get lost and be found. It’s a place where I feel protected and vulnerable. A place where everything I need and want is thought to be existing —I couldn’t ask for more. It’s a place where I can heavily feel the intensity of peace. A place where I see the goodness and beauty in all things even if it’s bad and ugly. A place where the pain being felt ceases and becomes painless. It’s a place where I am contented with my incompleteness. It’s a place where heaven and hell can’t be seen but felt —it’s a place where both of them no longer matter.

I am smiling and crying. I feel like floating in place. I feel like floating in space. I asked myself “Was I taking drugs?” It’s a place that I never dreamed of before. The place is called “love”. And if love was really a place, can you go there with me?

I opened my eyes together and a smile with a tear and a person in mind. I stood up and went out. I  bought a cigar from a store far from our home(to avoid shitty gossips from neighbors), lit it, walked away. Then sucked the smoke, blew out the smoke, sucked the smoke deeper, blew out the smoke, now with force —the usual paradigm. When the cigar was no more, I stopped and whispered to the air “I love cigars.”

...Cancers are deadly and most of the times, incurable. Good thing, the one I had was curable. I cured it. A cure always starts with a choice. And as for the smoking...Lung cancer is almost always incurable. And as you can notice, and if you read it well...do you know what the other universal cancer is?