Coping

CEBU, Philippines -  Mental health is peace of mind.

Deep down we know that families share loving as well as angry feelings. We know that family members need to be free of one another sometimes. Just as, at other times, they need to belong to each other.

In a recent art exhibit, at the Ayala Center Cebu, initiated by the Philippine Mental Health Association, it was learned that realities of modern family life are usually quite different; less than perfect but potentially very satisfying, provided our “expectations are firmly rooted in reality.”

During the exhibit, PHMA through advocacy materials shared that the family can be a source of great joy. “It can also be a major source of stress,” it emphasized.

“The method of keeping the joy and the stress in balance is what we call ‘coping’,” PHMA said.

In addition, here are some options open to family members in order to cope effectively with the common problems of family life:

•Recognize that family life is a complex situation. Home life can be satisfying, fascinating and rewarding. It can even be fun! That will depend entirely on our attitudes. Being realistic about the family’s complexity is half the battle.

•Learn to relax together. Most of us feel guilty and ill-at-ease when we are not accomplishing something. We know very little about real relaxation. This is a pity because, given a chance, relaxation can relieve stress, promote overall health and – most importantly – revitalize family relationships. Vacations, sports, hobbies are all important. There are only two basic rules on how to relax: Don’t be afraid to try something new and to share the enjoyment. In the family, sharing is the name of the game.

•Keep communication open. Few people are frank with others, especially with those closest to them. It is often very difficult to be objective to those whom we love. However, talking things over and working out solutions to problems together is one of the basic components of coping with family stress.

•Encourage outside interest. Things will run most smoothly when family members have friends, a social life and absorbing interests of their own. The family cannot be expected to satisfy all its members’ needs all the time. It’s important to remember: However bad your situation may feel, there are things you can do, steps you can take.

Potential sources of day-to-day stress in the home

•Having children is a stressful business. The birth of a first child and its effect in the new parents, the arrival of new brothers and sisters, first days of school, broken bones, and childhood diseases, as well as their teenage years all bring rewards and frustrations.

•High price of work. In more than half of today’s two-parent families, both partners work. While self-fulfillment is one factor, financial necessity is the main motivator. Problems can arise from a loss of family time because of the long business hours, travel and job pressures that spill over into family life.

•Life’s problem stages. Sometimes, family breakdown is predictable. The first year of marriage becomes the crucial point of adjustments. The sixth, seventh and eighth years are often troublesome. At this point, one or both partners are beginning to take career goals seriously and children are starting to demand more.

PHMA recognizes that stress is a fact of life. In fact, the organization quoted Dr. Hans Selye who is said to be a world authority on stress that stress serves as a “spice of life” and that without it, we would simply vegetate.

However, stress becomes ‘distress’ when too much happens too fast.

One begins to lose balance, and it seems impossible to cope.

“Knowing how to cope with stress does not come naturally to most people,” PHMA said. “We have to learn it like any other skills.”

It is not simple. It’s a matter of meeting the challenges as and when they arise. It’s a matter of balance. It demands an investment of time and energy. “But we get better. Our coping improves with practice,” this was further learned.

Learning to cope (having the faith, expanding the energy, taking the time) helps us put our lives back where they belong.

Coping is not mere survival. The very word implies something effective is happening, that matters are being dealt with capably, PHMA added.

“Translated into everyday life situation, coping becomes a matter of dealing well with life’s stresses and strains, not dominating them or not being overwhelmed by them.”

Mentally healthy people are good friends, productive workers, loving mates, effective parents and responsible citizens.

To learn more about mental health and what can be best done about it, get in touch with the Philippine Mental Health Association at B. Rodriguez Extension, Cebu City with tel. no. 412-3995. (THE FREEMAN)