Right brain, left brain

CEBU, Philippines - Are you the kind of parent who forces your children to be something they are not? Then you are guilty of impractical, if not bad, parenting.

In a talk on “Practical Parenting,” renowned motivational speaker Francis J. Kong mentioned of children still carrying to today the hurts caused by their parents.

“We might not realize it. But when we tell our children there is no money in arts the moment they would want to pursue painting, filmmaking, designing or being a musician, we are offending them,” Kong pointed out.

With offense comes anger, which is actually “unfulfilled expectations.” One of the challenges of parenting, he said, is for parents are to set realistic expectations for their children.

Parents should find out the strength of their child? Is he/she right brain dominant or left brain? A right-brained child gravitates towards the arts and letters, while a left-brained child is the analytical learner.

Second, entrust him/her to a learning institution with programs that specifically develop either the left or the right brain. For example, designing is right brain, contract management is left brain. Though we use both side of our brain, one hemisphere gets the most exercise. And because tutorials deprive children of playtime, choose a school that allows more time for play over schoolwork.

Third, practice positive reinforcement in improving communication with your child to learn more of his/her interests. Design fun evenings to discuss what he/she would enjoy most doing in school rather than asking him/her: “Anak, ano gusto mo paglaki mo?” This question brings up the far-outness in you. In time, the child will be able to decide on his own what he/she will be doing for the rest of his/her life. So don’t freak out. Chill, according to Kong.

In relation to this, Kong shared an anecdote on parents wanting to know what their child would want to become by placing four objects on a table: a Bible, money, a glass of whiskey, and a toy gun. The child first got the Bible, to the thrill of the parents at the prospect of him becoming a priest/pastor/evangelist/minister/preacher. However, the children picked the money after, then took the glass of whiskey and tucked the toy gun. The parents looked at each other and, in horror, the father uttered: Our boy wants to become a politician!

Further, Kong said, don’t be bothered at young kids today if they are not listening to you – because actually they are. “Today’s kids are multifaceted in handling info. They can tinker on computers while listening to their IPods and watching Glee at the same time.”

Fourth, don’t make schools your child’s nannies. Be there to assist teachers in guiding the child where he/she is interested the most. Parents are also the first to impose discipline on their kids beginning with the formative years (the foundation-building years). Though there is a law on child protection against physical abuse, Kong said that it is biblical to “spare the rod and spoil the child.”

“Besides, we’re Asians not Americans. We are tight, culturally, on our children in their formative years and then we learn to loosen up a bit as soon as they are in their adolescence.”

He added: “There is one part of us that stores fat and that’s why it was designed that way for spanking. However, spanking should be last resort.”

Fifth, children can decide well if parents learn to be louder in actions than words. “Chill. Smile. Strategize. Transact,” Kong advised, which means parents should not get paranoid at the thought of their children becoming musicians instead of doctors; to be very careful now of their actions as the children have a mind of their own. It would be best to address issues with children to their age/understanding level. “Changing actions is louder than raising the volume of your voice,” Kong stressed.

Sixth, best thing a father can do to his kids is to love their mother. Love comes in various languages – some purposely show affection or through touch, some through talk, others by allotting time, some through tangible things, while others through service. After that, adjust to the love language of children. Know about your kids. A middle child may not want to be cuddled the way the youngest child would respond to a parent’s affection.

Seventh, parents are encouraged to make it a habit to say “I Love You” to kids in starting the day and before drifting to sleep. These magic words are the key to open the day and the lock that closes the night.

Eighth point is that parents are to say “sorry” to their kids when the need arises. Parents commit mistakes too, and by apologizing for our wrong, we teach our children the value of humility. By then, with such a simple gesture, they would be able to live life correctly. ?