Marriage Mismatch

Does your sorrow stem from having been mismatched in marriage?

The One-Year Devotional Study of Women in Scripture mentioned of the story of Abigail (her name means “father of joy/cause of joy” in Hebrew), whose character is described to be generous, quick-witted, and wise, and one of the Bible’s great peacemakers.

For key Scripture, open to 1 Samuel 25: 2-42 and know that it is Abigail’s greatest joy when God used her to save lives, eventually making her the wife of King David.

According to authors Ann Spangler and Jean Syswerda, the words blockhead, numskull, and nincompoop would strike us both harshly and humorously. But any woman married to a man worthy of such labels would have little to laugh about.

“Abigail must have felt suffocated having been paired with such a husband,” Spangler and Syswerda wrote. “Her father may have thought the wealthy Nabal was a catch, little realizing the man’s domineering attitude might one day endanger his daughter’s well-being. But fools and ruin often keep close company, as Abigail soon discovered.

“For some time Abigail has been hearing of David; his encounter with Goliath; his ruddy good looks; his prowess in battle; his rift with King Saul. Recently, he had become her near neighbor in the Desert of Maon, west of the Dead Sea, where he had taken refuge from Saul. Since David had arrived with his six hundred men, marauders kept clear of her husband’s livestock, and Nabal’s flocks prospered as a result.

“But when David sent ten of his men to ask Nabal for provisions, Nabal, who had grown richer by the day thanks to David, nearly spit in their faces.”

Rich though he was, Nabal had just foolishly insulted the region’s most powerful man by asking: “Who is this David? Many servants are breaking away from their masters these days. Why should I take my bread and water, and the meat I have slaughtered for my shearers, and give it to men coming from who knows where?”

Aware of their danger, one of the servants ran quickly to Abigail, begging her to intervene. Spangler wrote: “As Nabal’s wife, she must have suffered his arrogance everyday of her life. But this time, his folly jeopardized the entire household. Wasting no time, and without a word to her husband, she loaded a caravan of donkeys with gifts for David and his men – freshly baked bread, skins of wine, red meat, and various delicacies – and took them to David’s camp. As soon as she saw him, she fell to the ground at his feet, making one of the longest speeches by a woman recorded in the Bible.

Syswerda put the dialogue this way:

“My lord,” she pleaded, “let the blame be on me alone. May my lord pay no attention to that wicked man Nabal. He is just like his name – Fool, and folly goes with him. But as for me, your servant, I did not see the men my master sent. Please forgive your servant’s offense, for the Lord will certainly make a lasting dynasty for my master, because he fights the Lord’s battles. Let no wrongdoing be found in you as long as you live. Even though someone pursues you, your life will be held securely by the Lord your God. But the lives of your enemies, He will hurl away as from the pocket of a sling.”

It was said that these last words reminded David of his success against Goliath, erasing his anger and enabling his gracious reply: “Praise be the Lord, the God of Israel, who has sent you today to meet me. May you be blessed for your good judgment and for keeping me from bloodshed this day and from avenging myself with my own hands. If you had not come quickly to meet me, not one male belonging to Nabal would have been left alive by daybreak.” In addition to saving lives, Abigail’s wisdom had spared David from sinning, reminding him that vengeance belongs only to God.

The devotional guide further mentioned that after her encounter with David, Abigail went to Carmel where Nabal had been shearing his sheep and celebrating his good fortune. Once again, she found him playing the fool. Oblivious to danger, he was drunkenly presiding over a festival banquet, like a great king. But she waited until morning, when he was sober, to tell him what had happened. As soon as Nabal heard the news, his heart failed. Ten days later he died.

When David heard the news of Nabal’s death, he sent word to Abigail, asking her to be his wife. This time it was Abigail’s choice whether or not to marry. She accepted, becoming David’s third wife and eventually mother to his second son, Kileab.

What is God’s promise as seen in Abigail’s life? Years of living with Nabal hadn’t made Abigail bitter nor had the years caused her to look for ways to get back at him and seek revenge.

What is the Bible trying to share to women in similar situation? Spangler and Syswerda underscored in the reflection section of the devotional study that married women should try to refrain from focusing on their laundry list of complaints and instead pray for the needs they know their husband has; to ask God to shape their marriage relationship and use it for His purposes. In prayer, wives are encouraged to set aside a few minutes to surrender their marriage to God and to commit to pray daily for their husband. In addition, to relinquish any desire they may have to control him and to instead ask God to work in their husband’s life. ?