Machismo

In my own clan, adolescent boys are usually sent by our older men to score a prostitute and be initiated. This is usually done out of fun, without realizing the real danger inherent in it. The boy certainly will perform awkwardly with a veteran, older woman, and it is possible that he will fail in this initial attempt. Such letdown may scare him off for life.

The boy may suffer from impotence afterwards—psychological impotence. What’s worse, this boy will not express his problem to adults, who might be able to help him, for fear of ridicule. Especially that it is emphasized at home that a young man should have a voracious, almost uncontainable appetite for sex to be considered okay.

Filipino males – or perhaps all males everywhere – seem to be particularly keen on proving their manhood. It looks like the “macho” image preoccupies the male mind. This can be easily observed in the behavior of our young men these days.

Nice boys suddenly turn brash and coarse as soon as they enter the age of adolescence. Some drive their parents’ treasured cars to speeds faster than sound, often driving their parents crazy, too. This is their way of getting the attention of the girls and the approval of their friends.

The taking of prohibited drugs has become an added symbol of one’s maleness. And so is membership in gangs and other such groups. The youthful fire is fanned by peer influence. Those who keep away from what the other kids are into are touted as either sissies or nerds.

Beneath the reckless daring and adventurism of youth is a need to serve a developing sensual appetite. Many young girls salivate at the sight of boys that look like wild animals. It’s no wonder that boys find it quite cool to look and behave like cub beasts.

Actually, we all collaborate in getting our young people so sold on physical appeal and a runaway sex drive as proof of manhood. We encourage the boys in our families to develop muscles starting at age seven. We tell them, too, to learn to growl at the girls they like, like a lion spotting a prey.

I believe we grown-ups should be responsible enough to rectify this overemphasized regard for machismo among our males, among our young males, especially. Parents must help their sons find a more acceptable way of proving themselves. This, however, does not seem to be the expertise of most parents.

The educational discussion of sex is still taboo in Filipino homes. At best, some parents would carefully explain that a boy and girl have the power to start a life, a power too magnificent to be used casually just for fun. But even this still falls short of the parental challenge on the matter.

Young boys need to know that sexual adventurism is habit-forming and can result in grave consequences in their adult lives. Promiscuity is not the indulgence of confident, capable men, but of men who have been defeated. It doesn’t thrive among men of achievement; it is the practice of confused men, desperately looking for a sense of self-worth in the wrong places.

Promiscuity destroys the person, in as much as drug abuse does, blocking out one’s disappointments and giving him a false sense of greatness. Like drugs and alcohol, it has the same hangover the next day, with one’s disappointment still there and the man even less able to cope with them.

So the loser goes back for more sex, intent on drowning himself again in the sensual ecstasy. The promiscuous man is not oversexed at all, but undersexed. He’s not looking to give something; he’s out to get it.

This vicious pattern is often started in adolescence. Therefore, a boy must not indulge himself recklessly in his youth if he wants to be a coherent, secure adult. It helps to keep in mind that gluttons don’t really enjoy the taste of food. An adolescent boy can check on his own youthful sexual gluttony by seriously looking inward into himself.

What does he think when he’s going out on a date with his girl? Does he expect an instantaneous reward for his time and effort? Does he choose the girl who can give him the sensual pleasures he wants, and have none of the higher personal qualities? These are not the marks of a wise and morally founded person.

The young man should also understand his own biology. Throughout the life span, the male urge for sex is much stronger than the female. It is often the boy that will start the fire. The most potential place for burns is a parked car on an isolated street. Right after a few quick minutes of physical pleasure, the young couple may go home laden with mental anguish and fear of the probable outcome.

A real man is in control. The true measure of manhood is in being able to transform the simple, instinctive sexual urge for physical contact into a higher form of desire and action. Young boys must understand this—including boys that are way past their adolescence but are still wagging their wilted wicks to their own perdition, throwing away any chance of a meaningful romantic relationship.

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