On death, dying young, and a bottle of Redhorse.

CEBU, Philippines -  Some say it is necessary to come face to face with death in order to know how good it is to be alive. And having experienced six deaths in the family, I say I agree. Death for me is an episode, a period where you have no choice but to shut your senses and your feelings just to be able to go through the process. It is something that can never be stopped, a happening that though excruciating, should be dealt with, really fast. I’ve learned by now that the less emotional we are with it, the more chances we will have to rationally get it out of our system. The silent nod, the firm handshake, the solemn stare - these are being mastered by occurrence. The letting go and the moving on part are skills that have been acquired as a necessity.

I thought I am already an expert in containing one’s emotions, in holding back tears. But as I stared at a friend’s lifeless face, I slipped. The feeling of grief that I thought was carefully shielded went crashing back in. The disparaging feeling that was safeguarded came rushing in, throwing me off balance.

How can he die? How can a person with a promising life ahead of him just be allowed to die? How can his life be taken so unfairly? How will his family and loved ones deal with the unexpected loss? He was too young!

Whether the one who died is old or young, the pain is still the same. But to lose someone who can still be somebody someday and do something for himself, for his family and for his community is such a big loss.

When you think about somebody dying young, you tend to be really affected, and it can make you start pondering. Losing a loved one is devastating. But when you picture yourself young, and dying, and leaving all your loved ones to fend for themselves because you can no longer be there and share precious times with them, is the worst thing. Especially when you know in your heart that you still want to be with them and that you can still do a lot of things to make a difference. Wouldn’t this thought make you feel worried about dying young?

Worried is an understatement. Terrified is by far the better word. And I felt it as I doused my throat with a big gulp of Red Horse. Just thinking about it made me do something drastic as enduring the pungent taste of beer. It did so much as help me relax and keep my mind away from my vicious imaginations on departing without so much of a goodbye. It made me appreciate, for the nth time, the wonders of being alive. It made me realize that I need to live my life to the fullest for being young doesn’t really mean we are invincible. We are not immune to that thing called “death.” Yes I am young, and I still want to live. I know it isn’t really my say, but what the heck, I would still try to seize every moment of my existence.  

Thinking of my friend again, I remembered his tattoo, the one he showed to us with fervent enthusiasm. The tattoo bore the Bible verse John 11:25-26. And as I finished the last drop of my RH, I recited the verse, “Jesus said to her, I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live. And everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?” 

I guess I do. And I think my friend believed that too.