Today’s column may seem a little naughty to some. And it may mainly interest just the men. Yet a married woman or one who is in a romantic relationship with a man may also want to know what it is that men are especially concerned about and privately discuss among themselves.
A former classmate who’s now a successful doctor in the US recently came home for the Sinulog festivities. The afternoon of the other Sunday, he gathered a small group of us “boys” from college. Over coffee, we talked for hours, about anything.
Then the subject of special interest to men of our age came up: Impotence. Our doctor friend told us that the problem afflicts, and gravely affects, many men the world over. Age is a common factor, he said; although it can also happen to younger men.
By the way, to be very clear, when we say impotence here we mean the erectile dysfunction in men—the male inability to raise the red flag for action.
There are two types of impotence: physical and psychological. If you suspect that you may have it, try to observe yourself closely. If you can get your dingdong to rise at any other time outside attempts at lovemaking with your usual partner, including while you’re sleeping, your problem may be psychological.
But it might be difficult to tell if you had a stand-up in your sleep, especially if it’s gone when you wake up. To be sure whether you’re having it or not, there’s a simple home test that you can do. Just be sure that you do it very discreetly, or that you explain to your bedmate what you are doing.
It may seem a little funny, but, the doctor assured, it works. Do you have one of these Velcro bands for tying household ropes and wires? Use it to tie comfortably around your thingy before going to sleep. Be careful not to stick the Velcro snaps so much, so that it can easily break apart if a stand-up occurs. Then you can check on it in the morning.
But if the Velcro band is too much for you, there’s yet another way. Use a ring made from a strip of inexpensive postage stamps, instead. If the perforations have burst by morning, you’ll know you had it.
Whichever material you use for testing, be sure to maintain your proper position all throughout your sleep. When you turn over and lie down with your back upwards, any material you wrap around your little friend could break apart under your body weight.
Impotence can occur after a prostate surgery, in which case its cause is physical. The same is true if there is trouble urinating, or there’s numbness or tingling sensation in the legs or genital area, common among people with diabetes. Many men who complain of erectile dysfunction turn out to have diabetes.
Taking prescription drugs for other medical problems—blood-pressure medications, tranquilizers, antidepressants, and sleeping pills—can also inhibit erectile function. Even some over-the-counter drugs, like cold remedies containing antihistamine, can interfere with sexual performance. Smoking, too, may trigger impotence because it can cause the constriction of blood vessels, hindering the flow of blood necessary to have an erection.
The slowing down of the male sexual function is normally more pronounced by age fifty. Even when there is still sexual desire, often it is not intense enough to prompt the body into action. Older men require more stimulation to get their thingy up, and longer rest periods in between shots.
But this should not be a cause for depression. Sexual function is usually one of the last functions to decline with age. Men—and women—can have a sexually fulfilled life well into their nineties or even beyond.
Starting in their forties, the great majority of men will at least have had an experience of not being able to get it up. This means that a man’s most feared—and, yes, most embarrassing—experience is, in fact, almost a universal one.
One bad night isn’t necessarily a sign that a man is turning impotent. In fact, even if he’s only hitting once in every four attempts, he’s still not necessarily wilted, the doctor said. The woman in the man’s life may argue on this, but medical science is firm about it.
An occasional erectile failure is rather normal by around mid-life. Some vitamin deficiencies or imbalance in body chemicals are believed to aggravate the condition. Yet the loss of desire for the sexual partner is often at the bedrock of the problem. Even the most vitamin-deficient, old man will rise up to an intimate occasion with a sexy young woman.
Psychologists have the best prescription yet for preventing impotence: Don’t think about it. Once it gets in your head, you often compound the problem with excessive worry. Be aware that periods of failure due to stress, fatigue or anxiety are normal.
Deal with the factors that are either keeping your mental focus away or your physical energy down, and you’ll almost always solve the resulting sexual languor. Any kind of anxiety is a common distraction. An example: When you sense an impending assault, your emergency reflexes will cause blood to rush to your arms and legs so you can fight the enemy, not to your groins so you can make love.
We humans are intellectual creatures. We interpret the things around us; and, as we do, we can be turned on or turned off sexually according to our interpretation of what’s going on within the sphere of our senses. It is not unusual for a man to lose sexual desire for a wife who has grown obese, has aged and no longer physically attractive.
Moreover, if the woman also begins to show ugly traits and rough behavior, then the loss of sexual desire on the part of the man can be aggravated. In such situation, many men will think they are becoming impotent, or even use impotence as an excuse. But, in truth, there’s nothing wrong with them.
The greatest factor in sexual fulfillment is desire. When sexual desire wanes, so does the sexual performance. The loss of desire in sexual partners is not a problem if it occurs to both of them at the same time. But this is very rarely the case. Often it occurs in one partner and not in the other. Then trouble begins.
In a macho culture like in the Philippines, the wilting of a man’s sexual tool is regarded as quite a humiliating defeat. Yet few people give the slightest thought to impotence until it strikes. Our doctor friend’s advice is to maintain good health always. Proper diet and exercise is the best combination for preventing impotence, as it is for preventing many other ailments. An active, playful imagination is important, too.
However, once the problem is there, meaning when you begin to have a series of multiple misfires over a period of months, then you should seek medical attention: get a physical exam and a psychological lifestyle check, to determine whether the problem is physical or mental.
There’s no cause to panic over a waning sexual function. There is help available. A simple visit to the doctor will help a lot in alleviating the problem. Also, it may be time to start looking at the many other beautiful things to enjoy in life than sex alone. ?
(E-MAIL: modequillo@hotmail.com)