Nowadays happy marriages are becoming rare. Still, today’s couples and those wishing to be couples are trying so hard for their unions to succeed. So what makes a happy marriage? Many myths abound, including those which our parents or grandparents may have told us.
Recent studies have uncovered several keys to a happy union. They can be found in the following answers to some commonly asked questions about marriage.
Is frequency of sex an important factor in a happy marriage? Older people would readily say it is. But, believe it or not, new research has shown little or no relationship between frequency of sexual intercourse and marital satisfaction. Among respondents classified as “happily married couples,” frequency of sexual intercourse ranged from less than once a month, for some couples, to daily activity, as reported by one couple.
Moreover, thirty percent of the respondents, one-third men and two-thirds women, reported sexual problems, from inability to relax to a lack of interest in sexual activity. Yet despite the fact that they admitted to being unhappy with their sex lives, on the whole, these people still felt that their marriages were happy ones.
Is compatibility between spouses related to how long a marriage will last? No. Researchers believe that compatibility is not as important in a marriage as how the spouses deal with their incompatibility. In other words, it’s how the partners deal with the problems that arise in the marriage. Whether they deal openly with difficult situations and express their feelings respectfully to your each or they shove their problems under the rug will determine whether their union succeeds or fails.
Some people think that choosing a partner with similar personality traits as his or hers can lead to a better mar-riage. This idea has been inves-tigated for many years. It was believed that if individuals shared the same traits as “easygoing” or “adventurous,” they would get along better as a couple. However, no clear relationship between personality traits and good marriages has been ever found.
In fact, the whole concept of fixed “personality traits” has come to be questioned. It was thought, instead, that from time to time a person would acquire or discard certain traits in order to please his or her partner.
How important is communication for marital success? Very important. The ability to communicate is crucial in working through any problems that may arise in the course of the marriage. Indeed, good communication is one of the cornerstones of a good marriage.
Happily married couples seem to develop a private language. They tend to be much better at understanding exactly what each is saying even when only few or no words are said. But in distressed marriages, husbands and wives have difficulty catching cues from each other, as though they are strangers.
This is true, as well, for more subtle feelings. Wives in happy marriages are quick to detect tension building up between them and their husbands, even if it is not readily apparent to others. In unhappy couples, husbands seem oblivious to the growing hostility of their wives, although other observers notice it.
Does it also help to be responsive to your partner? Indeed, it does. Showing interest and enthusiasm when sharing events of the day with one’s spouse, for example, distinguish happy and unhappy couples. Simple day-to-day exchanges can effectively strengthen the bond between spouses, and makes them both willing to go through the difficulties of repairing the relationship when it becomes strained.
In short, the main keys to a happy marriage are three Cs: caring, concern and communication. If you genuinely care for and are concerned about your spouse, and can communicate this, you are definitely at the door to a happy marriage. And it’s wide open for you.