I thought life could not be any bitter when six years ago my parents separated. I tortured myself into believing that belonging to a broken family was the worst thing that could happen to me. It was the hardest, a most sudden transition in my life. It seemed like in just a single click of a finger, the world fell on me. I faced life with anger. For a time, I packed my whole being with shame. It took me a long time to appreciate the brighter side of living. Yes, my parents have separated but I still got both of them and my two younger siblings as my family. I realized this as a great thing. Eventually, I moved on, hoping that life would no longer give me any bigger misery.
This hope left me unprepared of another blow. Again, life gave out very painful strike my way.
I embraced the month of March with grief as my father finally took his last breath. Things happened so fast that I did not know how to respond. I became so confused. I would not know how to treat the world with this cruel reality. Once again I felt so inferior, full of self-pity. For six years, I lost my Dad from our very home and it was not easy at all. Now, he is gone forever. I can only regret allowing all those years to pass by without telling him how much I cared and loved him. It feels so bad that now, when I have totally forgiven him and am starting to fulfill my dreams for all of us, it seems too late. I feel so frustrated that the time for me to bridge the gap between my Dad and me has ended even before I started. He was always part of my dreams. Now I can no longer see him. I feel like all my dreams shattered.
Up to this moment, I am still grieving and I know I would spend more nights crying over his death. I admit, there were times I prayed not to wake up the following day and just wished for me to suddenly disappear, to escape all these burdens. But I have been through a lot of life''s challenges. I could think of no reasons to back out. There is no room for giving up. This time, I cannot afford to be weak and pessimistic because, more than ever, my family needs me and Papa won''t totally rest in peace seeing me this way. I would like to believe that he chose to stop the fight against his illness because he realized that I am competent enough to take over his role. Yes, Pa, I will and I will never fail you.
I should face the world with much gladness and continue the quest for living. Acceptance is definitely not an overnight process. I just have to start believing that all these trials will mold me into a stronger and better person. I will take a step forward but this time, I should not assume that life has already given me its worst strike. Still, it has a lot to offer, tears and laughters alike. Whatever it may be, I am certain that I can bear it well for the good God is with me, plus my family who''s always backing me up. I can get through anything. It''s just that I must have faith and continue the fight!