Will it be our lucky year?

We had done all the good-luck rituals on New Year's Day: we wore polka-dot garments, set round-shaped fruits at the dining table, blasted fireworks etc. And so as we move into another year, our hearts overflow with hope that things will be better, confident because we had complied with tradition.

But it's the same revelry and superstitious customs we do, year after year. How come the previous years didn't always turn out to be exactly what we hoped for? There must be something else that makes for a lucky year than one day of festivities and profound observance. Perhaps the gods of prosperity, peace and happiness are not entirely responsible in making our New Year's wishes come true.

We have a lot to do with our own luck. Why "bad luck" finds its way into our lives may be due to our insufficient participation in the course of our own affairs. Sometimes we feel that we have no choice, that we couldn't or shouldn't take action. Some of us get immobilized by the uncertainty of the future or have unconscious fears that our bad situation can only get worse if we do something. Some tend to blame others for things that go wrong in their own lives.

It is true that society, in general, is helping cause the many problems it is facing-the drug addicts, the alcoholics, the derelicts, etc. But if the person always places the blame on others, it leads him away from looking into himself and facing up his own part in what is going on in his life.

One day, the secretary in my former office complained that her maid was stealing money from her. "The other month," she said, "she also sneaked out groceries from the house!" With those words, the lady was unconsciously revealing that she knew she was taking chances with her maid. I was once myself involved in a neighbor's problem and wasted away time and precious peace of mind, entangled in other people's mess. I couldn't complain; I knew it could probably happen, and I allowed it to happen. I only had myself to blame.

It promotes passivity to be always finding someone or something to pass the blame to. For instance, if we continue to carry our childhood grievances within us, to feel overwhelmed by bad luck because everything is our parents' fault, we won't make any attempt to improve our plight. Regardless of who is to blame, it is up to us to take charge of our lives as best we can, to move it forward. Luck is largely the result of taking appropriate action.

Only when we recognize our own roles in creating our flawed situations will we be moved to make changes. That's when things get better. Where fate, destiny or luck is concerned, all of us have been given certain resources, abilities-and disabilities. What we each do with what we've got determines our own luck.

The more we act to change our lives, the more we take charge, the more secure we feel. The minute a person drives himself to take positive action, he feels good, he feels less miserable, because self-mastery and activity are conditions of a healthy life.

There are signs to help us know when to let go of a bad situation. A young engineer who has had three unhappy marriages sighs, "I'm so unlucky in love." Yet, each time, he fell in love with a woman with a history of failed relationships. We complain that we have bad luck in our spouses, or in any of a thousand other things, when in fact it is us who do not do anything to push a lazy husband to find work, to discipline a nagging wife, to stand up to our abusers, or to mend our own self-defeating ways.

When we begin to see a pattern of things going wrong, it helps to ask: "What is my role in this? Why do I feel bound or trapped in this situation? What makes me complain about it, rather than doing something about it? In other words, be self-critical.

Self-criticism involves the ability to evaluate and criticize our personal relationships. Perhaps we have problem-laden friends who are emotional dependents-who lean on us so heavily that our spine twists under their weight. We ought to examine what really lures us to waste time with our emotional dependents. Oftentimes, the real reason is other things than sincerely wanting to help.

People get sucked into their friends' problems because they really want to be, because it deflects them from dealing with their own problems, which they find to be a more difficult thing to handle. It is, in effect, an escape. It is possible to be caring to friends without letting them absorb too much of our time and energy. When we begin to feel pressured and overburdened, it maybe that we're being too accommodating beyond our actual capacity to help.

Sometimes when we're anxious about things or bothered by them, we tend to push them out of our awareness. Many of us avoid paying attention by daydreaming, by turning to alcohol or overeating or going out and spending money on something we don't need. These are actions that ward off good luck. And we often succumb to them when we've had a bad day.

It doesn't work to escape from our frustrations by trying to numb our senses. The high from alcoholic drinks or drugs is temporary. Soon we're back in the same old rut, only feeling worse. The endless telephone chatter or the refrigerator raids don't help, either. What's certainly a better way is to find a useful activity, to do a task-even some household chore we dislike, like cleaning out a messy closet. A single, small positive accomplishment will bring new feelings of pleasure and security, because we're pleased with ourselves for taking charge.

Making little positive changes makes us like ourselves better. And when we like ourselves better, we are inspired to do more useful things, small improvements in our ways, small things that will eventually change our lives in a big way. And this, of course, is good luck-one of our own making. As Shakespeare wrote, "The fault is not in our stars, but in ourselves."

So, will it be our lucky year? Each of us has the answer. It's really up to us.

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