Enough

Christmas shopping is the only activity that ever makes me feel that my salary is not enough. Well, maybe that and looking at fashion magazines which I have since learned to stop buying. But Christmas shopping is something that I can't seem to avoid. I love shopping for people who are dear to me. I love picking up items which I think certain people might like, making sure that the gift matches the personality of the "givee." But there is never enough money to give the gifts that I really want to buy. And I get the feeling that if my salary were increased tenfold, I still wouldn't have enough to buy the things I want to give.

There never seems to be enough Christmas decorations either. I wish I could get more for my classroom to make my students feel the inexplicable joy that Christmas has always brought me. A large, life-size belen might be just the thing, I've always wanted. Bring the real meaning of Christmas back into the season and all that. Except, there's not enough space and well, not enough to pay for the decorations even if I had all the space.

There doesn't seem to be enough time either. With all the roads closing and all these strange schedules, there never seems to be enough time to get all the things I want to get. My sister did her Christmas shopping in October so I had to 'martial law' her (her term by the way) into coming with me for my last-minute Christmas shopping. With an extra pair of hands and feet, I still only covered half the people on my list. And it doesn't seem to help that my list keeps getting longer and longer. There's always one more person to get a gift for. Not that I mind, but it just becomes a little bit too stressful.

Then, my friend came up with the brilliant and generous idea that instead of giving gifts to each other in our barkada, we'd just pool our resources and give the money to charity. (I guess my friends and I are really starting to grow up!) But I cannot help but think that no matter how much we pool together or how much we give, we will never feed all the hungry people in this city. It breaks my heart that children have to sleep in cardboard boxes and people have to line up to get a decent meal. And I always think how these people survive when it's no longer Christmas and there are no brilliant and generous ideas waiting to be hatched and no time to think about pooling resources together to make a difference.

And nowhere is this "not-enoughness" more underscored than in that little cave in Bethlehem. There weren't enough blankets to cover the sleeping child. There weren't enough places where his weary parents might have taken a rest. There weren't enough gifts to give honor to the Child-King. There weren't enough people to pay Him homage. And there wasn't even enough time to recover from their long journey from Nazareth before they had to take a longer journey to Egypt. No, there wasn't enough not even for the birth of the Savior.

And yet, in every nativity scene I have ever come across, no one is ever frowning. The shepherds don't look at all stressed from having been called out of work for a little celebration. The three kings are not heavily laden with shopping bags and souvenir items they picked up along the way. And his parents look very solemn, bowing their hands with a look that says "we still can't get enough of looking at this Child, this promised Messiah who was given to us this day." And when I think about that Baby in a manger, I cannot help but think that His eyes speak to me and say: "You are right. There is not enough in this world. But I am not of this world. And I have more than enough love. More than enough peace. More than enough joy. More than enough hope. I am more than enough."

And that's enough for me.