A Christmas Special: Christmas, the Filipino way

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire? Jack Frost nipping at your nose? Is Santa Claus really coming to town? Are we really dreaming of a white Christmas or of a winter wonderland? You got to be kidding me! This the Philippines, baby!

Snow would melt even before it would touch the ground. It would just end up clogging our sewers and we would have to endure flooded roads again. The only snow here is the one in a can that you spray on your Christmas decor.

Jack Frost couldn't nip anything even if his life depended on it. The heat would scare the daylights out of him. He would run off to Boracay, sip ice-cold margaritas by the beach and ogle at the scantily clad sunbathing babes all day.

Santa Claus would be chased up a tree by the barangay tanods with their batutas, thinking he was part of the akyat-bahay gang. He would have to spend the night in jail. If he had any sense, he would have ditched the deliveries, put on his floral printed board shorts and join Jack Frost in Boracay.

And poor old Rudolph...abandoned by the roadside together with the other reindeer when Santa got arrested. They will be spending Christmas in the barangay impound lot and may even be roasted on an open fire by the barangay tanods for their Christmas party.

Before all of you gang up on me, let me remind you that all of those mentioned above are western-influenced perceptions of Christmas. Maybe it's time we look deep into ourselves and celebrate Christmas the Filipino way.

If you look closely, you will notice that, in our culture, Christmas is just as lively as the foreign counterparts. We have the dawn Mass, which reminds us of the our spiritual side during the season. We have the noche buena, which is a time for families to get together and show love and appreciation by giving each other gifts.

We have the "belen" - the ever famous nativity scene displayed in almost every household. We also have the "parol" - the Christmas lantern shaped like a star that somehow never gets taken down after the holiday season is over. And lastly, we may not have any Santas or Jack Frosts but we have that guy wearing a farmer's hat and barong while holding a group of letters that proudly proclaims: "MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR".

What is the most memorable Christmas tradition? For me, that would be blowing off half of your fingers while lighting a dynamite disguised as a firecracker. This will definitely leave a lasting memory that would last a lifetime - especially when the anesthesia wears off and you will scream in agony at the pain. In fact, It is so memorable that you end up blowing off the other half of your fingers next year!

This only happens in the Philippines, baby! Frankly, I would not want to be spending my Christmas in any other place in any other way.