When being a parent is not enough

"They say marriage is the sweetest thing that could ever happen to you; having a baby is the most fulfilling one; but being a parent is the toughest."

Quite true!

I couldn't describe fully the feelings of a parent the very moment that delicate baby lay on his/her arms. The emotion is beyond words and expression, I say. That faint yawn so lovely you could only hope it would never fade. And that jovial smile everytime you cuddle him in your arms. Those alarming cries in the middle of the night that made you jerk up out of your bed and send you back half asleep anticipating for yet another call. Those endless sleepless nights looking after him being sick, I would do everything in exchange for his recovery and see those sparkling eyes again.

As a parent, I wouldn't mind the hassles of changing diapers; those wakeful nights nursing him with a bottle or two of milk because I know it would be a superb delight indulging with his charming laughter in the early morning. It's what makes me happy and hopeful in facing my day's toil. I wouldn't mind my hectic schedule and tasking work in the office because I know I'll have my refuge waiting for me at home; Such a relief from stress just holding his tiny hands and pinching his little nose.

I am a dad; that's what I feel. But it seemed to me I cannot forever enjoy those "little" moments because apparently, he's going to grow old and good heavens! I wouldn't notice it until I realize he's already holding hands with a girl while walking down the street.

Come to think of it, whether we like it or not, children grow old and learn to be independent. There will come a time when the battle begins between who's to take charge and who's to follow. As William S. Meyer says in his article A Time of Change, "Teens struggle to free themselves from the control of their parents who, in turn, fight just as hard to keep control. Beginning at puberty, kids become more outspoken in their views, more critical of parents' values and more demanding of control over their lives. Parents may regard their teens' assertiveness as disobedience, insolence, or disrespect. Teens may take their parent's criticisms as refusal to grant them the freedom they seek. Neither side is probably aware that a battle for control is going on."

Being into this situation is just one of the many tough challenges a parent could ever face. However, this is not what I'm trying to point out here. We are heading to a different challenge in the parents lives. A more challenging and tasking drama of family life, I say.

More often than not, parents don't want to be told how they ought to raise their children. They don't care a bit about what you say. They will do what they believe is right and appropriate. Such condescending attitude is it.

Let me stress this out: parental instinct and common sense are not at all totally applicable nowadays. Look around you and you'll understand why.

My friend told me once that his daughter is experiencing difficulties in coping up with her lessons. Complications in comprehension and catching up with school works have become evident and detrimental in her development. Later on, he found out that his daughter had been indulged into too much TV viewing, and chatting over the internet. Her time to study and read had been left out. But then, amidst this awareness was my friend's inability to rectify the situation and prevent the probable catastrophe of his daughter's regression. He asked me what he should do as he apparently lost all his options. As a father of a 3-year old child who hasn't been into this situation, I told him modestly to seek professional help.

Still another friend of mine confined his problem with his 6-year old son who had become a huge challenge to him. His child has behaviors different from the ordinary children. Everytime he comes home, he is afraid another bad news is waiting for him at the doorstep. Aside from his learning problems, his destructive behaviors are towing him away from his classmates and friends. Even his teachers are getting impatient with him already. I told him it's not something he can do by himself and his wife. He should seek professional advice.

His relief came one day when he finally met a psychiatrist who said his son is classified ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Syndrome). That was the turning point in his life. Learning about his child's real situation has made him realize his shortcomings. Professional intervention has somehow made their situation lightrt, more forgiving and compassionate, loving his son more than ever.

To an average parent, seeing their children different from the rest would seem a trouble and shame to live with on a daily basis. We could have thought our children are just too hard to discipline or are insolent. But we just don't know that something is actually wrong with them-I mean, not really something "wrong" per se but something unusual.

We thought that our children have become dull without us realizing all the distractions surrounding them. Busy parents, that's what we are, having no time spending with our children at home with their school works.

Now tell me, where do parental instinct and common sense apply here? Obviously, parental instinct will tell us that something unusual is happening to our child. Common sense might dictate us that this is something we cannot do by ourselves.

My friend who engages in clinical child psychology told me that problems such as these should never be taken lightly by parents. They should do everything they can to identify these problems and find solutions to them.

Being a parent, per se, is never enough. If you want to correct unusual behavior in your child, seek professional advice. If you want your kids to be smart and knowledgeable, consult experts who know how to wire a child's mind to become a reader and knowledge seeker through responsible use of available media such as TV, computers, magazines, and the internet.

Now we know being a parent isn't enough. And I believe it's time for us to be equipped. There are many resources you can find now: books, the internet, talks and seminars. But for me, I think my experience can be more enhanced if I joined talks and seminars because it is where I get to talk and share insights with other parents, and experts as well.

You might be interested but OMF Literature Inc. has come up with another life-changing seminar called PARENTING 101 on July 29, 2006 a the CNU. This is something of a step for us parents to take as we learn more about wiring our children through responsible and creative reading and becoming readers for life. Please call OMF Lit office at 255-5012 or 253-1525 for more details.