Is that your child in the corner?

Raymond Ducay recently finished grade school at the top of his class. The honor made the boy the envy of other kids in their school. But Raymond himself regretted it. For him, it meant delivering a valedictory speech before the entire graduating class and their families. Raymond is one of many young people with a problem in facing a crowd.

In a random survey among students aged 10 to15, half of the respondents describe themselves as shy. Shyness is so common a human attribute, especially among children and adolescents. Almost everyone suffers from it at one time or another, at varying degrees.

It is a common experience to sometimes go speechless in front of an authority figure -like a boss or a teacher-or a member of the opposite sex. While such tendency can be considered normal, it is neither necessary nor advisable. If unabated, it can lead to a life of inferiority and isolation.

Shyness is a mental condition that is almost as common as depression and alcoholism. Its symptoms include increased heartbeat, sweating, blushing, dry mouth and mental block. During certain kinds of social encounters, the shy person experiences a strong urge to escape.

The shyness problem usually starts at home. If parents avoid social situations or worry excessively about what the neighbors think, the child infers that the outside world is full of danger and humiliation. A highly critical parent or sibling can also intimidate a child from expressing himself.

Approximately one out of eight people are so shy that a social encounter terrifies them. At the extreme, they cower from such ordinary acts as using a public lavatory or even talking to people on the phone. They prefer a hermetic life, virtually avoiding all contacts with others.

Certain people are born with a tendency towards extreme shyness or what is called social phobia. But this is by no means destiny. At about two months, babies already display a certain leaning towards either shyness or sociability. Some babies cry upon seeing unfamiliar faces and things, while others are delighted by anything new.

Yet even shy babies may become gregarious children, and outgoing babies may grow up to become shy adults. Life experiences can mould the mind accordingly such that corresponding attitudes and behaviors develop. A child that gets a humiliating experience in class is likely to feel nervous the next time he or she enters the classroom.

The mind is so good at associating certain things, places or people with certain feelings, so that reactions to these stimuli are often automatic. The child that stays quietly in the corner while other kids are engrossed over something may have had an unpleasant experience in that group or activity. Or, perhaps, he is simply trying to avoid any attention by keeping his distance.

Psychologists are concerned that today's internet culture might aggravate the shyness problem among young people. The faceless and voiceless interactions possible on the internet provide shy kids with more reason to avoid actual encounters. This can make their problem worse.

Social avoidance can create a loner. By avoiding the very situations he needs to learn social skills, a shy child diminishes his ability to cope. Young people must be made to understand that awkwardness is part of growing up and is only temporary. And that by consistently working on themselves they will soon acquire the confidence to be in others' company.