The Child Within

At the mall last week I overheard a customer loudly talking to the saleslady. "I have to buy something, but I'm trying to figure out what it is!" Amused by those words, I looked around and saw a flamboyantly dressed middle-aged woman being ushered by the saleslady to the expensive jewelry section. The woman's behavior was somewhat peculiar but not at all unique. Perhaps she just needed attention, that of the saleslady and of the other people around. Or, maybe her real need was something else. Maybe she actually wanted to reignite her husband's waning interest in her by accessorizing herself. Maybe she wanted to prove to him what he was going to lose.

A story is told of a powerful politician's wife who would wander from section to section in upper-class department stores abroad. She would spend great amounts of money, allegedly public funds, often buying five of every item she liked. Her husband saw the wanton extravagance of his beloved wife, but would not complain. He understood she was only trying to purchase the self-importance she did not have in childhood.

There's an interesting character in the movie Everything I Own. This young man sights a bright red sportscar and could not resist the urge of taking the car "for a spin". He doesn't see his action as stealing. He'd explain later he just needed to sit at the wheel, feel the wind in his face, his foot on the accelerator, and the sound of the horn almost blowing his eardrums. The man is perpetually in trouble with authorities.

There is a child within us all-an aspect of our personality that is immature and self-centered, a stubborn brat that always wants to have his way. Some people are aware of their childish drives, wrestle hard with it and attain a certain degree of composure. Of course, childish tendencies need to be contained or directed properly, so we may become reasonable, responsible adults.

But this is not very easy to do. The child instinct operates on an emotional plane and seeks only gratification. It does not consider possible consequences other than pleasure. And the person is often unaware of what's going on inside him. This is not much of a problem among real little kids. It doesn't take much to make a little kid happy. An inexpensive toy or a cone of ice cream is usually enough. Sometimes a simple hug or word of praise can easily divert the child's attention. The big problem is when grown-ups behave like pigheaded little kids. They can be quite terrible, especially when they have the means to carry out their childish whims. They can be a menace, both to themselves and others.

Sigmund Freud, the father of modern psychotherapy himself, once smashed the jaw of a colleague who pointed out that his addiction to cigars might be symbolic of an ugly sexual obsession. Freud smoked up to twenty cigars a day, and the insinuation was that this hinted of an unhealthy side of his personality. One thing, at least, is sure-smoking is unhealthy. It gave Freud cancer of the mouth, which finally killed him. When properly handled, however, the inner child can be a powerful ally. For instance, it is visible in the charm of an enthusiastic salesman giving his most engaging sales pitch. Interestingly, the most convincing salesmen need the praise and encouragement of their supervisors. They need constant discipline, too. In like manner, the performance of every brilliant artist is sustained by the applause and adoration of his audience, and polished by regular practice.

People with poor control of their inner child are unnecessarily getting themselves into debt, in trouble with the law, laden with guilt, losing their jobs and their precious relationships, some of them even losing their self-worth completely. It must be understood that this little kid inside is not the whole of our being. We are, alongside being a child, also parent and adult at the same time. These more mature aspects of ourselves should be allowed, as well, to manifest in our life. The key to an excellent life is balance. The reason, perhaps, why a person is made many things in one is to have an anchor on every side. When he is pulled with equal force in every direction, he attains a sense of stability. The child in us shall be free to seek self-indulgence, but the parent shall temper it with higher ideals, and the adult shall set the proper limits.