Losers part 2

Were you ever friends with a gay teen who was in love with a straight teen, pining so innocently for someone who would never like him back? I was, and now that I’m older and living in “the real world” I find the memory of it so pure.

That word, pure, would suit Kurt. He seems to have it all together, always fashion forward and fabulous, but it’s easy to see how innocent he is in his puppy love for Finn and how he’s struggling to assert himself in a world of sameness. He’s being bullied on a daily basis—dumped into the garbage bin or doused with soda—and yet he keeps his poise. And, yes, his sanity. Pretty boy, beautiful loser.

What about a girl who was in love with a gay guy and so convinced he was straight even if the whole school already knew he wasn’t? Mercedes Jones (Amber Riley), who belts out a spine-tingling version of “And I’m Telling You” that could give Jennifer Hudson a run for her money, finds herself believing that she and Kurt are dating, only to be crushed—enough to throw a big rock at his car’s windshield—when Kurt confesses he’s in love with someone else. Gusty girl, but still a loser.

Then there were kids so different from most others that they had to assert themselves twice over because there was no way they could fit in. In Glee, there’s Tina Cohen-Chang (Jenna Ushkowitz), an Asian girl. No, scratch that. She’s a goth Asian girl. Tina is shy at first, but joining Glee Club brings her out of her shell, so much so that she confesses she faked her stutter to drive other people away, but finds no desire to maintain the charade. I’ve known girls like her and in high school kids considered them losers.

Tina has her own love story—she cares for Artie Abrams (Kevin McHale), the nerdy paraplegic who still manages to shine in the Glee Club, principally because he’s a gifted musician as well as an excellent singer. In one episode, Artie and Tina go on a date, during which Tina confesses her secret and hurts his feelings in the process. As much as I admire Artie’s bravado, “nerdy” and “paraplegic” would only spell out loser in high school..

It’s high school, after all.. What can you expect?

And then, there’s the faculty. If you remember your own high school life well, you’d know that many of the members of the faculty aren’t shining examples of excellence themselves either. In fact, they’re also losers in their own way.

In the William McKinley High School in Lima, Ohio, the principal is an Indian immigrant who counts pennies. He’s so stingy, in fact, that he actually charges Will Schuester $30 to run the Glee Club. He can calculate the cost of each of the club’s moves—and give you a receipt to boot. Principal Figgins (Iqbal Theba) is sometimes fair and sometimes irrational and he’s got the school’s best interest at heart, so often, there’s really no arguing with him.

The coach of the cheerleading squad, the Cheerios, is a dictatorial, er, monster of a woman who delivers the best lines in the series, in my opinion. Sue Sylvester (Jane Lynch) is by all measures a winner. However, because of her obsession for winning—at all costs—she’s just another loser. She gets bottom line results, but nobody really likes her.

To illustrate my point, some classic Sue Sylvester lines:

Sue, to Will: Let me break this down for you, okay? I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go onto college? I don’t know, I don’t care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners. But if they want to be bankers and lawyers and captains of industry, the most important lesson they could possibly learn is how to do a round off.

Sue, to journal: Glee Club. Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth-breathers it only comes back stronger like some sexually ambiguous horror movie villain. Here I am, about to turn 30, and I’ve sacrificed everything only to be shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy, misshapen teens.

Sue, to Will: I will go to the animal shelter and get you a kitty cat. I will let you fall in love with that kitty cat; and then on some dark cold night, I will steal away into your home, and punch you in the face.

Then there are the parents, represented by the crazy, amoral soon to be ex-Mrs. Terri Schuester (Jessalyn Gilsig). She fakes a pregnancy to keep her marriage together, even if it means Will has to moonlight as a janitor in the school he teaches in. When Will says he wants to feel good about himself, Terri exclaims, “This marriage works because you don’t feel good about yourself!”

With characters like that—and seeing their attempt to break free—you can’t help but root for the show. We’re all a little like the losers that they are. I know, because I’ve been to high school and then discovered there’s really no such thing as the real world!

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