There are breakups

And there are break-ups. If you think it’s tough to have to reply to Facebook comments when you and your significant other announce you’ve—gasp!—decided to end your relationship, try putting your feet in some showbiz celebrities’ shoes.

Breaking up is never easy in Showbiz Lala Land, where celebrities have to fend off anything from crazy glossy-grade rumors to green-eyed monsters that are waiting to drag them down to the same level of misery to bright-eyed fans eagerly expecting any passable form of enlightenment from someone who’s been to hell and back, never mind if said celebrity is still nursing your heart, or ego, whichever one is more hurt. And then there are people like me, who just read on out of morbid curiosity.

Showbiz news has been full of breakups once again. Some were to be expected, if not heavily anticipated, while others were honestly shocking—even to disinterested observers. Here’s a rundown of some of them.

“We’re too different from each other.”

I won’t say I didn’t see this one coming. I’m not a fan of either, but I did catch a pre-concert interview Pops Fernandez did for her reunion concert with Martin Nievera, and her body language told me she wasn’t going to settle down with Jomari Yllana, who recently confirmed their breakup, anytime soon.

Various members of the entertainment press had been asking them about their wedding plans, to which they only gave non-committal answers, from “We’re enjoying what we have.” to “We’re not yet past the getting-to-know-you stage.” I chalked it up to fear—both have had to go through failed marriages—and concern for their children, and now Jomari has cited “irreconcilable differences.”

I think they’re handling it well, though—Jomari only confirmed the rumor, but didn’t add fuel to the fire. Pops, on the other hand, is keeping mum. I’m expecting a tell-all soon, though.

“I just realized that I don’t want to be attached.”

She’s only the hottest thing since Angelina Jolie at 22. He, on the other hand, is already 35 and has had his heyday in the 1990s. A lot of tongues started wagging when Brian Austin Green bagged teenage Megan Fox four years ago, and they wagged some more when the pair got engaged in 2006. The thing is, while he’s now a regular on the television series The Sarah Connor Chronicles, she’s set to reprise her biggest role yet as Mikaela on Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. This means his career is pretty steady, but hers is just about to burst wide open.

She has this to say about the breakup: “I feel like I need to set my career and do a movie other than Transformers. Then I’ll explore family.”

This is what others have to say: “She’s trading up.”

I think it’s smart not to get married at 22. I also think you should never get a tattoo of the name of anybody you didn’t give birth to or didn’t give birth to you.

“It’s not you, it’s her.”

In perhaps what is the most shocking twist in the history of The Bachelor, Jason Mesnick proposes marriage to one contestant only to take it back and go after the runner-up—all on television! I don’t watch The Bachelor or its girl version The Bachelorette anymore, not since the first two seasons, I think, but even I couldn’t ignore this tidbit when I came across it.

The format of the show is pretty much the same: boy dates many girls living in one mansion, boy whittles down the number of girls until he’s down to two, and for the finale, boy leads the two girls on (wines and dines them, introduces them to family, sneaks in some kisses and what-have-you) before he finally proposes marriage to one of them.

In the recently concluded The Bachelor, Jason gets down on one knee and proposes marriage to a giddy Melissa Rycroft in the Final Rose segment, only to take it back and ask for another chance with Molly Malaney six weeks later, in the After the Final Rose segment! Jason catches Melissa off-guard, she calls him a bastard and then storms off, Molly appears on stage, and then Jason asks her out on a date. Whew.

I don’t know if I should laugh or cry. Honestly. What I think I do know is that we all know who’s going to be the next Bachelorette.

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