Family: Our basic unit for progress

I recently went home to Dumaguete City to have a quick visit at my Alma Mater. The ride to the south of Cebu made me see the desperate move of the churches to fight against the impending bill on divorce. It is sad that we have to hard sell the need to keep the family together, more so the raising of the policy on divorce, which for the longest time has not prospered in our country.

But times have changed. The growing number of people who prefer to remain unmarried even if they cohabit and have children continue to rise. Many young parents even feel that getting married is cumbersome to their career or their individuality. Some have reasoned that they prefer no legal binds because divorce, if they finally find their decision to marry in the first place to be wrong, is hard to come by in the Philippines, and annulment is very expensive.

My fellow baby boomers, having been burnt from forced teenage marriages also think it better not to let their children marry even if they get pregnant, just to save face. Much as I agree with not forcing the young couples to marry out of misguided sex, I also do not agree to let the kids live together as husband and wife without the commitment of marriage.

Now, I may sound preachy, but what is the point of their living as a couple when they do not even want to commit to the mutual responsibility of raising a family? They will only create more unstable foundations for their children who result from their living together. Research shows eventually that the children replicate the same habit their parents thinking that this is the normal way of life. Well, at least for them. Medical studies show that children who live with married parents have better health conditions and perform better in their studies. They have better psycho-social responses and have greater chances to be productive contributors to society.

Although I do not want to stereotype the results because not all children born of unwed parents or separated ones, end up as problems but the ability for the child to make choices is highly dependent on the conscious effort of the parents or the children themselves, to inculcate the right values in their makeup. But is somehow difficult to push the young to do what they do not see happening at home.

The stability of our progress relies greatly on the quality of our people. Our economic growth shows our edge lies mainly on our growing population. However, if we raise children whose families do not provide a secure place for them, they will grow as either very independent yet non-comital persons or their maturity will be stunted by so many issues. Again, this does not discount the wiser choices of those who were gifted to realize more positive change. But growing more insecure individuals lead to wobbly relationships that we in business get so wary about.

Where is the loophole then?  What is the key to raising good citizens? Or in my own bias, good businessmen?

Schools with good character development programs help a lot. They provide the needed supplement the home may not be able to provide. Making sure your children are with the right company, their friends and the influences they get could be a great contributor but may be hard to monitor.

But there is one thing I have found to be foolproof and that is laying the basic foundation of faith in your child s heart. Oh yes, there will be teenage rebellions still, and possibly, a streak of selfish demeanor now and then. But the old adage of the family praying, speaking and being together remains the strong tie that will pull back any errant individual back to the fold.

So what is my point? If we want our country to progress, divorce even if approved is not the threat. It is how strong our belief in family is, and how much effort we place on face to face, personalized communication and not just cellphone parenting. It will take us to be firm on simple requirements like eating together, doing family activities together, consulting each other, and making sure that at bedtime, everyone is in his or her bed.

And for the business owners, perhaps we should allow the parents to spend time with their children on the occasions that are special to them. Childbirth, birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, winning moments. There are 5 to 15 days of vacation leave. Allow them to take it.

Let us help build our country well.