Mr. Walker, Mr. Wheeler

 A couple of years ago (more like three decades ago, to be honest) I came across an animated short film by Disney entitled Motor Mania. The film introduced a character named Mr. Walker. This particular character is your typical mild-mannered, ‘wouldn’t hurt a fly’ type of person who transforms into a reckless, arrogant individual once he’s behind the wheel of his automobile. Sounds familiar? I meant the situation, not the animated short.

Many times we’ve sat behind the steering wheel driving to our destination having fully made the promise to be the most law-abiding citizen to ever walk the earth. As we allow ourselves to put together the speech we will be giving when receiving the ‘Citizen of the Year’ award some unknown daredevil crosses the yellow line, overtakes and cuts right in front of you. And your speech suddenly turns very coloured (from general patronage to R-18). Plus, the urge to get that place back (as if you were racing to begin with) builds up. The grip on the steering wheel gets tighter… Goodbye Mr. Walker, hello Mr. Wheeler. Bye-bye award!

Situations like these aren’t rare. Driving a short distance and not seeing someone break traffic laws, that’s rare. And many times it is incidents like these that lead to tempers flaring, altercations and, if you’re one of the lucky ones, instant notoriety on YouTube and the local news. Such incidents are commonly referred to as ‘Road Rage’.

Merriam-Webster defines Road Rage as, a motorist’s uncontrolled anger that is usually provoked by another motorist’s irritating act and is expressed in an aggressive or violent behaviour. And you know what some classify as an irritating act? A driver who is thinking, “Did that rusty, surplus multicab just cut right in front of my ‘Fast and the Furious Replica Evo-wannabe’ Lancer? The gall of such people!” Then suddenly, this 5’4” driver thinks he’s Vin Diesel 8-inches shorter and gives chase. He succeeds in overtaking the multicab, stops his car right in front of it and challenges the driver to a duel. In his mind, he imagines all the different ways he’s gonna beat up this rude adversary. But what his mind didn’t imagine is a 5’9” car mechanic, who lifts car engines for breakfast, stepping out of the multicab. Oh, the irony.

Many of us think that just because we are encased in 2-tons of metal, we are invincible. Unfortunately, that same mind set can also make the very same armour a 2-ton metal casket. Road rage has caused an average of three hundred deaths per year in the US alone. Some of these deaths were from traffic collisions while others were from human altercations.

Driving takes a lot of patience, especially in the Philippines. Impatient drivers are usually the ones who get involved in road rage. These drivers disregard the safety of all those around them in the pursuit of getting ahead or showing the other vehicle who’s boss. In their reckless desire to get ahead, fate steps in and teaches them the value of patience (waiting a good while for a traffic enforcer to show up to sketch the scene of the traffic collision). Sadly, fate always gets the flunkies and they don’t learn their lessons the first few times.

In my opinion, the number of road rage incidents can be dramatically reduced if we enforce written and practical psychological exams on applicants for driver’s licenses, be they first time applicants or renewals. It would be nice to fit fifty applicants into a 40-seater, poorly ventilated waiting room and have them wait two hours for their applications to be processed and see who cracks. Those who can wait out the two hours are asked to proceed to the next room to get their license. Those who show signs of temper flunk the test and don’t get a license. With this type of screening process, we can reduce the number of impatient, reckless drivers on the road.

And what happens to all these drivers who don’t get their license? Well, to be able to get to their desired destination, they can take the soon-to-be-available BRT or they can get into a hobby called running. Running seems to be the new rage nowadays. And with all these running events scheduled week after week, this would be a much better ‘road rage’ than the motoring definition. Who knows, we may actually find a prospect gold-medal Olympian among them. So, happy running Mr. Wheeler!