To outlaw "paranormal" services

I don't believe in Horoscopes or Fengshui. In fact, I don't want to even talk about it let alone offer an inch of space in this column. But what caught my attention lately is that a friend from the States messaged me on Facebook asking if I knew a psychic or an expert in the paranormal. You see, he has this old and un-inhabited property sitting along Roxas Boulevard for a long time and thought of selling it for good since he's comfortably and finally settled in New York. His buyer an educated Chinese businessman just wants to make sure that the offered property is not some kind of a junk because of some jinx that hangs around the place.

I did manage to get one for him thru another friend in Manila and guess what? The guy is malevolently expensive. He proudly claims that he is a fengshui expert, an astrologer cum crystal-tarot-palm reader and ghost hunter. And to cut to the chase, my friend simply agreed without budge (despite my protest and prodding). Well what the heck, the buyer was particularly happy because he happens to know the guy whom he calls "master."

Master my fat behind. He was more of a dignified salamankero in pressed suit, an astrolobull no less. Because here’s the deal: The guy asked 50,000 as professional fee, an additional 8,000 for the report, gas, food, talisman and 30,000 for the ritual to drive out the bad spirits! Uncork those spirits for me and promise you I'll turn badder than them bad spirits. After the whole thing, I could only wish for two things. First, I wished I did not help my friend. I felt he was duped for a nonsense that took only like half a day’s work and that I was partly responsible for what happened. Second, I wished books on ghost hunting for dummies were available in the bookstores or had interned with Madam Auring so I would have charged my friend half the master’s offer without the slightest of guilt.

From what I heard, this line of profession is lucrative nowadays. Wait, wait…it is not a profession, damn me. Let me take it back. Psychotic, oops, psychic work is a legit way to wring some cash from people who watch scary movies all the time.

In this age of science and reason many still want to become willing victims of this paranormal and superstitious junk. Still a lot of countless others find their sense of existence and destiny in horoscopes. I know, too, a lot of business-owners who still believe in numbers and dread those that said to bring misfortune like numbers 4 and 13 that it is not uncommon to find building floors and elevators without those numbers. What’s sillier is that we seem to chart our actions, and spend our resources in ways we deem as attuned or pleasing to the “unknown forces” (like bad spirits, celestial movements, and all this paranormal or metaphysical BS.) which are mostly imagined. And those who claim to know better about these things are the very people who make money out of it. 

I don’t know, but I do think that such practice of asking money to interpret dreams, or chase the ghost in your basement, card or crystal reading and all its relatives should be outlawed or at least regulated. I believe this is one form of extortion or swindling. Why would we pay for something that promises to solve a problem that does not exist to begin with? It doesn’t make sense. Those who those claim to have that skill to drive out malevolent spirits in your house are powerless to drive out the bad apples that linger in your neighbourhood. Why can’t they just use their skills in law enforcement instead so we don’t have to worry about arriving late or walking alone in a quiet alley? One thing that bothers me about this people in the paranormal business is that they get paid handsomely for driving out those invisible fellas in your attic but pay an invisible amount in taxes to our government. That’s just not fair.

And by the way, the paranormal trade is one business that’s not covered under the Consumer Protection Act so no warrantees or price tag to follow. Hmmm…sounds like a good business venture, isn’t it? Better be going. Got a crystal ball to buy. (*me evil-grins*)

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