CEBU, Philippines - In the midst of our discussion, a member revealed that she is more prone to anger. She easily gets angry even on trivial matters. She said that it would have been wonderful if she could control her anger.
The predicament of my friend brings to mind the story of a certain monk who was always in a bad temper. He lived in an ashram but found it difficult to get along with other fellow members. He decided to leave the place and lived in a secluded life in the forest. He thought he could overcome his anger. In the beginning, he found peace and tranquility, and he was happy. One day, he went to the river to fill a jug of water. As he placed the jug on the ground, it toppled over. He picked it up and filled it again, again the jug toppled down. He repeated the process a number of times, until finally he lost his temper and smashed the jug to pieces. Then it was in that instant that he realized his mistake. “ I left the ashram,” he confessed, “but anger has followed me even here in the forest.”
What is the message of the story? “It is not the individual or the situation that cause our anger,” declared the website, newage.com. It is your own reaction or response to individual or situation that determined whether you will be angry or otherwise. Therefore, develop the will to control your anger.”
An unknown writer exclaims, “Anger is a completely normal, usually healthy human emotions. But when it gets out of control and turn destructive, it can lead to problem – problem in work, in your personal relationship, and in overall quality of your life. And it can make you feel as though you’re at the mercy of an unpredictable and powerful emotion.”
A psychologist has also this observation, “Anger is destructive than fire or earthquake. When you get angry, certain glands in your body get activated. This lead to an outpouring of adrenaline and often stress hormones with noticeable physical consequences. Your face reddens, blood pressure increases, voice rises to a higher pitch, and breathing becomes faster and deeper. Your heart beats harder and your arm and leg muscles tighten, your body becomes tense. The cumulated effect is that anger increases the risk of coronary and other life threatening diseases, like stroke, ulcer and high blood pressure. Better then to overcome anger before it burns you.”
The same source points out that there are ways to handle anger. These are as follow:
Firstly, your expression. Psychiatrists say it is good to express your anger for it brings relief as you have spoken your mind. However, it must be done in a calm manner, otherwise, when you express it in an aggressive manner, it can make a toll in your being. However, if you keep it to yourself, resentment may build up and time will come that its effect becomes disastrous the moment you could no longer contain the negative feelings within your being.
When the situation or the individual is too much to handle, ‘get out of the kitchen.’ Come back when you are calm and see things in the most reasonable perspective.
Patience is a virtue. There’s nothing like being patience and forbearing. When things become settled down, you can talk with the person or situation in a more diplomatic and gracious way. Remember always being angry can become a habit and you could become its slave. Anger can control you; and it is a terrible master.
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Email: oysonkathy@yahoo.com