The anatomy of a crash

Just when you thought F1 was fresh out of scandals, along comes the mother of all PR disasters. It’s the kind of stuff that you would expect to read straight from a Hollywood script – only this time, the stunts are absolutely real.

Just in case you’ve been hiding under a rock as big as Flavio Briatore’s libido, allow me to bring you up to speed; Nelson Piquet, Jr., son of three time world champion, Nelson Piquet, Sr., has accused the ING Renault F1 team of forcing him to deliberately crash out during last year’s Singapore Grand Prix to ensure a safety car deployment that would play straight into the wheels of team mate Fernando Alonso.

Piquet’s “alleged” orders were to crash the car at a designated corner just after Alonso exits the pits, which would give the Spaniard the fuel advantage and track position he needed to win. The crash was executed flawlessly, which probably came as no surprise to the team as it was something he has been practicing for some years now, and Alonso eventually went on to win the race. Perfect. React to applause, exit stage left. Give sob story to the press and a cut yourself a merchandising and book deal.

But no crime is perfect, and the evidence will tell the story. Cue CSI music, camera pull out to show Flavio’s expensively tanned face shaking with disgust. Then show his young beautiful wife just for the hell of it.

The F1 paddock was in shock. Some threatened legal action against the Piquets. Nobody was really buying it. But several days after vehemently denying allegations, team principal, Flavio Briatore, and his trusty technical director, Pat Symonds announced their shock resignations and issued a statement saying that they would not contest the charges.

Now, I should tell you that I’m typing this piece at the exact same time that the hearing is going on so forgive me if I border on redundancy every now and again. But regardless how this all turns out, there are a few things I need to get off my keyboard.

As disgusting as this all may be, with Fleet Street and people like Niki Lauda claiming it to be the worst act of cheating in the history of motor sport, let’s try to keep it all in perspective. Renault should not be banned. Nor should they be fined.

–Insert Renault ad here–

Seriously though, let’s not forget Prost and Senna deliberately crashing into each other, followed shortly after by a certain 7-time world champion with Villeneuve and Hill. Is Mr. Lauda suggesting that these drivers crashed with more dignity? I’m not trying to condone any of this, but I don’t recall their teams getting taken to the cleaners. And you can’t say they didn’t know because Senna publicly announced he would do it. So let’s keep it consistent please.

My point is that why hold an entire team responsible for the actions of three greedy people? There’s absolutely no suggestion that anyone else apart from these three knew what was going to happen, so the mere suggestion that 700 innocent and hard working people should lose their jobs seems a more senseless crime than what it is being put on trial here. Instead, I think that there should be a hefty fine and I think it should be paid by Briatore, Symonds and Piquet. Then a permanent ban on all three.

Why Piquet was offered immunity by the FIA is as baffling as the sex life of the man who offered it. As it stands now, Piquet is more guilty than any of the three because (as of this writing) he is the only one who admitted that he crashed on purpose. Why the kid glove treatment?

If there’s anything worse than criminals, it is criminals that sell each other out. Piquet was the one who crashed. He pulled the trigger so to speak. No use hiding behind the “I’m-so-young-and-good-looking-that-I-can’t-have-possibly-been-blessed-with-brains-approach.” Through Piquet’s own admission, he did it because his position in the team was under threat and he was fearful of losing his seat. He was retained. He profited handsomely from it. He kept quiet. Then he was fired after Hungary for another dismal season. Now he chooses to blow the whistle? Wow, how big of you, Nelsinho. At least Symonds refused FIA immunity and stuck by Briatore ’til the end.

I tell you, there are people that can’t even do something wrong right.

And lastly, I think its time that F1 undergo a major overhaul. Fans are sick of the drama, mudslinging, fighting and bickering – we have enough of that with our politicians. We watch F1 to tune out of our everyday lives for a while and immerse our selves in the glitz and glamour of the high octane world of the pinnacle of motor sports.

So, if you want people to keep tuning in, start tuning up.

Interesting (but not at all surprising) how Manny de los Reyes’ feature story on some yet-to-be-launched Kias gained more raeactions than his F1-related column. Here are a couple of them…

My brother bought a brand new Pregio in 1997. In less than 18 months, he had already spent almost P200,000 on non-warranty repairs. No way anybody in my family is going to buy another Kia.         – amang

In 1997 you wouldn’t make me buy a Kia even if you paid me. But fast forward to the current time and I prove that to be not the same anymore. I just bought a Kia Carens, last year’s “Automobile of the Year”, and it’s just as good or better than any other brands being sold nationwide or internationally. I’ve had the Carens for over a year and all I had to spend on were regular maintenance items like oil change, and tire rotation.

Just like the Japanese brands of the 60s, that nobody would have bought in favor of the American brands, no one would have bought Koreans in the 1990s. BUT NOWADAYS is a different story. Have you noticed those Kia Prides of the early 1990s still running around?            – rabacan

Two sides on a single topic, covering pretty much all the bases in one fell swoop (well, okay, two). Not bad, Backseat Drivers! This is the kind of healthy interaction we want to cultivate in our pages. Keep ’em coming!