Fast Food
T’was the Friday before Christmas, and all through the streets…
Every frustrated motorist was thinking, “I’d be quicker on my freaking feet!”
I wrote that poem while sitting in the worst traffic jam over the Christmas rush one payday Friday a few years ago. I distinctly remember that it was a payday because earlier in the day the boss was walking around the office wearing his black veil.
Still at a standstill, I started to fear that I would be spending the 12 days of Christmas staring at the rear end of a jeepney. Perhaps it was divine intervention, but in any case, we eventually started to move. But before we could rejoice, however, we were all forced up onto the shoulder by a dilapidated, Government-plated “Sweepstakes” ambulance that muscled its way through the mess with all sirens blaring and a lonely, red flashing lamp, spinning furiously on its rusted roof.
You could see the contempt in people’s faces as this Kia beast, err, sorry, Besta squeezed past obnoxiously slapping mirrors with more than a couple of cars. We all knew we were being had; but regardless, giving the benefit of the doubt, we all cooperated (reluctantly) and beached ourselves against the curbing to give way to this rolling advertisement of the local mayor – you know the one, (this ambulance was donated through the loving kindness of his honorable, adorable, savior of mankind… you get the drift).
I would have left it at that. But ever since I can remember, I’ve always promised myself that one day I will invest in following one of these ambulances right up to its port of call to verify what they were responding to. Just to see if they were legit. C’mon, be honest; don’t tell me that you’ve never wondered if there really was an emergency or if this was just another abuse of authority.
Given my unwavering commitment to the motoring public, ahem, and in my relentless pursuit for the truth, I gave chase. Albeit at 3.2km/h. Oblivious to it all, the ambulance driver climbed more curbs, drove counter flow and eventually, with the help of local enforcers, jumped three red lights. By this stage, I was beginning to get second thoughts. I feared that I might have actually been mistaken and that the poor soul who was waiting to be picked up, or who may already be laying in the back, was in critical condition and each traffic violation was a perfectly justifiable means to an end. Nevertheless, I had made it this far and I was determined to complete my mission. And besides, nobody was stopping me.
After another fifteen minutes of low-speed terror, the ambulance eventually came to a rest outside a cluster of middle-class homes somewhere on the fringes of
He snapped open the rear tailgate and to my horror, I saw the reason for the urgency. The rear passenger lay dead on a stretcher. Not just that, he or she was burned to a golden crisp and came with an apple in its mouth and a siding of sweet and spicy pork liver sauce, or local gravy. It became quite clear to me that the only urgency here was to make sure the local Barangay officials received their roast suckling pig for their Christmas party, warm and on time.
I confronted the driver and asked him why he endangered the safety of motorists and took advantage of the little faith people have left in emergency vehicles, just for a freaking lechon. But needless to say, it fell on crispy ears. I may as well have been talking to the pig.
The fact that this story happened a few years back and has been told before makes no difference. It is as relevant today as it was back then, especially since I have yet to see an improvement. Actually, I think it has gotten worse because of every other self-important prick that joins in the nauseating chorus of illegal sirens and flashing lights. It’s disgusting. And, instead of apprehending them, our authorities actually enable them.
Perhaps every emergency vehicle should come equipped with a copy of “The boy who cried wolf” printed in large font on the dashboard, just next to the siren switch. This goes for all emergency vehicles – police, fire, ambulance and whatever other pseudo-authority vehicles out there that feel they have the right to a wang wang. Think before you make your lights blink.
Private services, like Lifeline Arrows, or some of the more established hospital ambulances have a zero tolerance attitude towards this behavior. If you ever encounter a situation like this with one of their vehicles, call the hotline number on the side and report it. Who knows? One day it could be you or a loved one in the back, and any delay could be the difference between life and death.
But what about the government types? Where is the recourse? We’re already seeing more and more resistance from motorists and less and less respect from the public. One day, it really will be a crisis. As for now, finding a government emergency response vehicle that is actually sincere is becoming more and more like a lottery. Or a Sweepstakes, if you will.
Here are some of your Backseat Driver reactions, observations and comments from last week…
Great wish list. I also hope
The counterflow concept is ineffective and it’s and example of traffic mismanagement. – 09266734692
Why can’t the MMDA strictly implement its policy on tricycles not being allowed on major thoroughfares? Is it because the MMDA’s enforcers are not aware of it? – 09165739508
Manila Water is digging up roads and not restoring the pavement properly. Perhaps they should be penalized heavily for that.
Hey
Speak out, be heard and keep those text messages coming in. To say your piece and become a “Backseat Driver”, text PHILSTAR<space>FB<space>MOTORING<space>YOUR MESSAGE and send to 2840 if you’re a Globe or Touch Mobile subscriber or 334 if you’re a Smart or Talk ’n Text subscriber or 2840 if you’re a Sun Cellular subscriber. Please keep your messages down to a manageable 160 characters. You may send a series of comments using the same parameters.)
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