A Day at the Porsche World Roadshow

As you know, any Porsche, whether it’s the "entry-level" Boxster or the supersonic 911 Turbo, costs as much as a house. Whether it’s a bungalow, a 2-storey, or a 2-storey with a pool, is all up to your budget. Of course, no house could run from zero to sixty in the time it takes you to read this sentence, nor will any dwelling ever induce such lurid slides over hot asphalt like a 911 Carrera does. Which is exactly where I found myself last week: in the driver’s seat of a white 911 with race car veteran and instructor Kookie Ramirez telling me something I never thought I would live to hear by a guy in charge of one of the best sports cars in the world: "Step hard on the gas, lift off when you reach the bend, then steer right and let it spin out." Spin out? As in throw the car into a sweeping turn not one hundred feet away from a very solid-looking lamp post, hoping that my 0-100kph sprint will not result in irreparable damage to not only my ego but my foreseeable income for the next twenty years?

Being the responsible motoring journalist that I am, I do just what Kookie says: floor it, lift off, steer right, and enjoy the tail-out antics of a car that’s always been known for lift-off oversteer at the limit. The tail swings almost past the 90-degree mark and I instinctively countersteer, get back on the gas, and try to extend the drift. Here, Kookie scolds me and says "What are you doing? I told you to let it spin out." Whoops. That’s what happens when you play Need for Speed Underground 2 all the time. Some two hundred meters away in their observers’ tent, I spot my ‘classmates’ Kevin Limjoco of EVO Magazine and Botchi Santos of Top Gear Magazine giving me thumbs-up for boldly daring to drift a car on my first try. Then, of course, Kookie lectures me on the whole point of the exercise, which was not to play with the laws of physics, but more to experience how Porsche’s standard stability management system will pull you out of a risky situation out in the real world. So, on the next lap, with the "PSM" turned on, I do the same routine, but instead of rotating the tail, the car cuts engine power and selectively brakes so I accomplish the turn with far less drama. Safe, definitely, but not much fun. No thumbs up this time.

No matter, because the whole point of this day-long event is to get familiar with Porsche’s driving dynamics. Meant for PGA Cars’ customers, the Porsche World Roadshow teaches drivers to become familiar with the different models’ driving dynamics so that, out in the real world, they’ll have a safer time driving them quickly rather than risk wrapping themselves around a tree. You won’t become an expert in a day, but you will better understand how the car reacts at the edge of the cornering and braking envelope because, well, this isn’t your plain Corolla, folks. It’s a high-performance machine, and at the limit on a slippery road, there’s a real chance it’ll swing the tail out rather than push wide off a turn if you get in over your head.

So, with PGA Cars grouping our rather large contingent of motoring media into smaller groups, we proceed to different areas of the Clark Expo where the driving courses will be held. Our first module is a small slalom where we’re given the keys to a Porsche Cayman S. Frankly, the car looks so pretty just standing still that we weren’t exactly raring to push it too hard through the cones. Why rush your fleeting moment with bliss, right? Step on the gas, feel the mid-engined car pivot somewhere around the center, pirouetting through the tight turns, making me look like a real pro, in my modest opinion. Alas, I’m beaten in the timed lap by Kevin, who horsed it through the cones.

Next, we move on to a brake-and-swerve test. Using a 911 this time (with interior trim that looked suspiciously like fake wood, too), we’re told to accelerate hard, stand on the brakes, then swerve either right or left. No problem. Brake-torque the motor, hear the engine make a lovely "FFRROOOMM!" as you rush towards the cones, stand on the brakes, then try not to hit the cones in either of two lanes.

After that, it was time for the "Oversteer/Understeer" module, otherwise known as the "drift-the-911-and-live-to-tell-about-it" course. After three runs, I think I got the hang of opposite lock and steering with the throttle. Or maybe I was just lucky. Deciding not to push my luck, I quit while I’m ahead and get out while the car is still in one piece.

After all, there was still a red Carrera S with a Sport Package waiting for me in the next lot. In this "Road Tour" course, it’s basically a joyride through Clark Field, where we could ride flat-out through certain sections, look very cool to bystanders, and possibly invoke the hate of every other penniless, downtrodden, and envious motorist that we passed in a fleet of Boxsters, Caymans, 911s, and a Cayenne Turbo.

And I have to tell you, when you’re behind the wheel of a Carrera S with a motor that defines "rev-happy" and a suspension that might as well plant your butt on the tarmac, you will not ever care what other people think about you. All you will think about is where the hell you can find a long enough straight to really see how fast the thing will go. Later that afternoon, after passing through the feet of more than two dozen lead-footed journalists and with fellow contributor James Deakin as the unfortunate last for that particular car, which by then was emitting acrid smoke from its rear, one of the foreign instructors with the scary name of ‘Guido’ tells him rather seriously that ‘You burned the clutch".

Finally, our last module is a bit anticlimactic. After getting our fill of screeching tires and redlined engines for the better part of the day, it’s our turn to take a handful of Cayenne SUVs to a few hectares worth of lahar field. There, we try to figure out the Cayenne’s traction-management and adjustable suspension technology, which allows us to tackle most obstacles with ease despite its low-profile street tires. Cool… but really not as much as fun that ‘Oversteer/Understeer’ thing.

All good things must come to an end, of course, and all too soon, it was time to pack up and let the cars get some rest. The next day, they’d be at the mercy of yet another batch of customers. As for us, it was back to the reality of front-wheel drive, Japanese-made cars that cost a fraction of what a Porsche does, but which also give a fraction of what any Porsche ever will when it comes to driving enjoyment. A few days after the Roadshow, I was beside a suave-looking guy in a 911 at a stoplight. I bet he knew how to drift it too, the lucky bastard.