Most of my clients did very well last year and are so bullish they see this year as another good one. A few clients of mine did not hit targets, and as they enter the new year, they are still fighting off the feeling of disappointment they had. Though this is business, there is another term for it, and it is called “life!”
Do you know anyone who talks about an event that happened months ago, even years ago, as if this event just happened last week? They spoke about what they had achieved many years ago when they were with another company. They spoke of the people they used to know and rub elbows with many years ago. Others rant on the missed opportunities and incessantly explain why they have fallen short of their performance or goals.
I have a couple of theories about why they do this. Perhaps someone hurt their feelings or disappointed them, and they continue to bring the event up. This usually happens when other situations trigger the same emotion. Even the most devoted couple will experience a “storm” about once in a while.
A grandmother celebrating her golden anniversary once told the secret of her long and happy marriage. “On my wedding day, I decided to make a list of 10 of my husband’s faults which, for the sake of our marriage, I would overlook,” she said. A guest asked the woman what some of the faults she had chosen to overlook were. The grandmother replied, “To tell you the truth, my dear, I never got around to listing them. But whenever my husband did something that made me hopping mad, I would tell myself, Lucky for him, that’s one of the 10!”1 Unfortunately, not everyone is like the grandmother in our story, who knows how to move forward.
As leaders, we must lead people to look ahead versus behind. This means we should lead people to let go of the past and move forward. Looking ahead allows us to make an active choice to accept what we cannot change and to learn from the past. Once we have learned from it, we can let go of it, and thus, we get rid of the weight of dragging around something we cannot change.
When people bring up events from a month ago or longer, encourage them to identify what they learned from the event so that instead of living in the past, they can spend their energy moving forward with what they learned. Carrying around the past drags people down.
People reluctant to give up the past are holding on to old complaints. They are rehashing bad memories, hurt feelings, and unfair events. Rehashing is like watching a rerun of an old movie because although we know what to expect, we still experience the same emotions and endings. The same occurs when we rehash an event from the past. The emotions are triggered, but the outcome is generally the same. We cannot rewind the clock, so beware of complaining about past events, for the result is still the same today as it was two months ago.
Responsibility and problem-solving are leadership skills. Leaders should avoid being called into playing the blame game; these are often past-oriented, usually rooted in bitterness toward someone. People digging into the past are losing time in the now and in preparing for the future. Blame is a delay tactic and is people-focused instead of action-focused. It usually distances people from the real solution, thus ground is lost in working toward the future because time is spent looking behind instead of ahead. Learn from the past and move forward to the future.
Eliminate blame and other unproductive statements that keep the doors to today and tomorrow from opening. Remember to open the door for opportunity by looking ahead instead of behind. Letting go of the past. Allowing the past to be a place where we can learn from, not to long for.
And when I find myself in a same predicament what keeps me moving forward are two words taken from the Scriptures – Philippians 3:11. The two words are “Press On.” And the verse is: “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” This means a runner’s goal is to focus on the next step toward his or her goal. Paul’s spiritual life is the same. He will not look back to past steps but focus on improving each step in his race until reaching the goal of being with Christ. We can learn from the past, but we are not bound to the things we have done.
Francis Kong’s podcast “Inspiring Excellence” is now available on Spotify, Apple, Google, or other podcast streaming platforms