Simon Sinek is one of my favorite authors and speakers. He is articulate, charming, and has this winsome personality that would make you comfortable in his presence. Conversing with him some years ago left me an indelible mark on how down-to-earth and humble he is.
Simon Sinek developed a leadership thought that is now repeated by many “leadership motivational speakers or trainers” in town. They mimic, rehash, or copy even without giving proper credit attribution, claiming that the thought is theirs. The line they use from Sinek’s is this: “Be the leader you wish you had.”
Today, I will do a reverse of this. Be the leader you wish you never had. And if you’ve ever worked for a toxic boss, you know what behaviors send you complaining to your coworkers and updating your résumé. Bosses aren’t solely responsible for creating workplace culture, but they do set the tone. Perhaps you have had bosses with toxic behaviors that have made your life miserable, and now that you are in a leadership role, you have learned never to be like them.
You can identify these bosses you wish you never had by their classic toxic behaviors:
1. Taking credit and spreading blame.
A leader’s success is measured by the people they manage, so when a project is successful, they should thank their team, not pat themselves on the back. On the flip side, they should shoulder the blame, not point fingers when things go wrong. After all, the team’s success is dependent on good leadership.
2. Yelling, criticizing and punishing.
If you’ve ever had a boss yell at you, chances are it sticks in your mind, even years later. That’s because negative interactions make a more significant impression. Toxic bosses let their emotions get the best of them and use fear of punishment instead of praise to motivate. (Spoiler alert: It doesn’t work.) Good bosses realize that mistakes are teaching opportunities. A yelling boss who takes credit for your work is a pretty obvious red flag.
Some workplace behaviors are traditionally viewed as “good” and can become toxic when taken too far. Consider toxic productivity. Think “hustle culture,” which glorifies things like lack of sleep, staying late, and always appearing “busy.” In other words, it’s a culture that constantly confuses working with doing worthwhile work. Unsurprisingly, this attitude leads to stress, anxiety and burnout.
Toxic loyalty. As a leader, you hope your employees are loyal to your company. But this hope can be taken too far when employees are pressured to act immorally or sacrifice their well-being for the company’s good. Toxic leaders often demand this kind of “above all else” commitment to the company, which usually eventually backfires.
Toxic positivity. This one may seem surprising. After all, isn’t being positive, well, a positive thing? But toxic positivity at work negates people’s feelings and experiences. If an employee is in a stressful situation, telling them to “look at the bright side” puts the responsibility on them to endure something that may be dysfunctional or broken.
Healthy workplaces with good leadership approach employees’ problems with compassion and empathy, allowing space for expressing negative emotions.
Now that you are in a leadership role, learn the lessons from your former bosses who lack leadership skills and have never been trained. Read up on books on leadership. Attend leadership seminars. Do not rely on the following posts of self-proclaimed leadership gurus who will probably quote and mimic another Simon Sinek quote. Be equipped and be a good leader.
Follow the Golden Rule: “Do unto others as if you were the others.” So that one day, your people will have the ambition to be the leader they had, and that’s you!
Francis Kong’s “Inspiring Excellence” podcast is now available on Spotify, Apple, Google, or other podcast streaming platforms.