It’s lonely at the top

(Part 1)

A spiritual leader lay quietly. He was dying. The disciples had gathered around his bed and recited some holy verses, trying to make his last journey divine and pleasant. They wanted to give him warm milk to drink, but he declined. One of the disciples returned the glass to the kitchen and added some brandy, considering it good for health. He poured a generous amount into the warm milk.

Back at Spiritual Leader’s bed, they lifted his head gently and held the glass to his lips. The very frail man drank a little, then a little more, and before they knew it, he had finished the whole glass down to the last drop. As his eyes brightened, the disciples thought it would be a good opportunity to have one last talk with their Spiritual Leader.

Sir...! The disciples asked earnestly, “Please, give us some wisdom before you leave us.” He raised himself very slowly in the bed on one elbow, looked at them, and said, “Don’t sell that cow.” This leader must have been lonely.

Whoever coined the phrase “It’s lonely at the top” knows what they are talking about. I once heard a motivational speaker mimicking a world-famous speaker say: “If it’s lonely at the top, you’re not doing something right.” I thought to myself well, this speaker needs to gain experience in leadership.

Statistically speaking, a leader is an anomaly. The ratio of the general workforce to managers/executives is 10:1, if not 100:1. So, by definition, you’re taking on challenges unique to your role.

As an illustration, I would like you to reflect on this. Now that the holidays are coming, when you show up to a family gathering and most others aren’t in a leadership position, it can take a lot of work to start an easy conversation. That’s not bad. They don’t wake up trying to solve the same problems you do.

Leading a growing organization makes that even harder. Because the problems you need to solve are only solvable by some people, all of this helps explain why you grow frustrated and discouraged talking to other people to get some insight into the problems you’re trying to solve. They mean well. They want to help, so they provide you with ideas and suggestions you know would not work. And you have to take it all in and be polite about it.

Think about it. Most people can’t help you because they haven’t led what you’re leading. It’s not their fault—it’s just hard to give meaningful advice to someone when you’ve had no experience doing what they’re doing.

That means that to find peers and mentors who can advise you, you’ll likely have to break down a few geographical and tribal barriers. You may need to look outside your region, outside your field, to get the kind of coaching and help you need. This realization will help you value the people around you for what they can bring and drop the expectations they couldn’t offer.

So, what about the people and team around you? You should lean into them. Friends, colleagues, your team, and family make life much richer.

Why is it lonely at the top? The very problem you need to solve in leadership is the very thing most people can’t help you with. And so, as a leader, you know your responsibility is great; you carry the burden of running the business and stabilizing it towards growth, especially during challenging times like these.

So, it is lonely at the top, and is it because something is wrong with you? Of course not. Most people talk about leadership based on rhetoric and theories that do not reflect reality. Others focus on the perks of leadership and need to understand that there is a price to leadership.

So, how do we tackle this? Stay with me tomorrow as we tackle Part 2 of “Why it’s lonely at the top,” and we will look at some practical ideas to remedy the situation.

(Francis Kong’s podcast “Inspiring Excellence” is now available on Spotify, Apple, Google, or other podcast streaming platforms.)

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https://newzmagazine.com/2023/05/23/a-spiritual-leaders-final-wisdom/