How to be miserable

In an experiment, scientists asked volunteers to tackle complex challenges, such as stabilizing a wobbly Lego tower or solving intricate geometric puzzles. What they observed was fascinating—almost invariably, the participants attempted to add something to solve the problem, even when the faster, more straightforward solution involved removing elements. This phenomenon, known as “subtraction bias,” is a shared characteristic of the human mind. People tend to gravitate toward solutions that involve addition rather than subtraction. This inclination extends beyond engineering and puzzles—profoundly influencing our pursuit of happiness and personal growth.

In the quest for greater wellbeing, the typical approach is to add positive elements to our lives. For instance, we contemplate adding exercise, meditation, or even a new career direction. While these are valid happiness-enhancing strategies, they represent only one facet of the happiness equation. Harvard happiness researcher Arthur Brooks suggests we can achieve the same aim by subtracting misery from our lives. He also delves into the wisdom of philosopher Bertrand Russell to identify eight common mistakes that lead to misery and despair.

In pursuing happiness, our instinct is often to add more joy to our lives, which is commendable. However, equally important is the ability to subtract sources of misery. Brooks refers to a test that can help determine which strategy may be more effective for an individual. 

To inspire us to embrace the subtractive approach, Brooks turns to the profound insights of Bertrand Russell, a Nobel laureate in literature and a philosopher known for his keen observations on life and happiness.

The philosopher Russell believed that unhappiness was often a result of misconceptions about the world. He identified eight common mistakes that contribute to misery and unhappiness, offering valuable insights into how we can subtract these sources of negativity from our lives.

1. Fashionable pessimism

In today’s world, being grumpy and cynical is sometimes perceived as a sign of depth and intelligence. However, Russell, in his time, mocked this tendency mercilessly. He reminds us that choosing melancholy to appear cool is a misguided approach that has persisted over the years. Instead, we should strive for a more optimistic outlook.

2. Social comparison

The philosopher astutely observed that many people fear not poverty but the inability to outshine their neighbors. The relentless pursuit of keeping up with others can lead to lifelong discontent. Russell’s solution is to shift our focus to gratitude for what we have rather than comparing ourselves to others. Strange as it seems, this atheist philosopher echoes what St. Paul in the New Testament would say, “In all things, give thanks...” 

3. Envy

Envy, the feeling of discontent because others have more is destructive. Russell encourages us to celebrate and learn from others’ excellence rather than suffer due to it.

4. Evading boredom

In today’s fast-paced world filled with gadgets and streaming services, boredom is often feared. Russell, however, believed that the fear of boredom could hinder essential reflection and creative growth. He suggests we relearn the art of sitting quietly and observing the world.

5. Coping with fear

Russell recognized that anxiety is rooted in our unwillingness to face particular dangers. His thesis is to confront your fears to diminish their power over you.

6. Senseless guilt

Russell discourages baseless feelings of guilt, especially when we are doing well while others are not.

7. Virtuous victimhood

Perpetual victimhood, as he termed it, can lead to unhappiness. While acknowledging true injustice, Russell cautions against making victimhood a central part of our identity. The legendary motivational speaker Zig Ziglar says, “Victim’s Thinking is Stinking Thinking,” and I believe that. 

8. Fear of public opinion

Living a life shaped by others’ expectations rather than staying true to oneself often leads to regret. Excessive conformity is an unnecessary tyranny.

By identifying and subtracting these sources of negativity from our lives, we can pave the way for greater well-being and personal fulfillment. But the key to understanding happiness is that it is not a pursuit. It is frightfully elusive and deceptive. Happiness is simply a by-product of living a godly life. Joy is preferred. The difference between the two is while happiness depends on “happenings,” as Ziglar again explained, joy is intrinsic, and it is a sense of well-being that emanates from the inside. As the great bible expositor and man of faith, Martin Lloyd-Jones, said, “Joy, in other words, is the response and the reaction of the soul to a knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ.”

(Francis Kong’s podcast “Inspiring Excellence” is now available on Spotify, Apple, Google, or other podcast streaming platforms.)