I have a question for you. If your friend is ghosting you, who do you want to call?
Ghostbusters?
My HR friends express their dismay. The applicant came for the interview, some even after a series of interviews, followed by a promise to follow up. And then an amazing thing happens. NOTHING! Silence. No response. No return calls. Crickets! No return text. They have been “ghosted,” and this leaves the HR people wondering. How could these people be rude, inconsiderate, selfish, and cruel?
The practice among predominantly young people does not apply only to job applications; they are even more pronounced and frequent when quitting their jobs. No explanations. No formal resignation letters. No advice and not even a text message. Crickets.
Ghosting is an act of silence or lack of communication, which can be frustrating and hurtful. It portrays the person negatively: lack of courage, courtesy, or sensitivity to show up and communicate properly.
We waste disproportionate time on follow-up messages as you fulminate over the death of good manners. Many defaults to inaction because they don’t feel comfortable or confident taking action themselves. They have not been trained to handle difficult conversations or deal with the awkwardness that comes with them. Maybe they think that by disappearing, the problem will go away, and the situation will take care of itself. Others believe it is a better solution because they don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, not realizing that ghosting can be hurtful, leaving people with questions and unfulfilled promises.
Ghosting erodes the spirit of trust essential to a collaborative and collegial work culture. It reflects a lack of respect, courtesy, and empathy. It displays indifference and a lack of consideration for the other person’s feelings. It creates a sense of depersonalization, especially in the workplace, where employees feel undervalued and unappreciated.
Being ghosted can be frustrating, but there are professional ways to handle it. It is important to remain polite and professional while being direct. Avoid nastiness since there may be a legitimate excuse, and you don’t want to burn bridges. For example, “If you’ve decided to go in a different direction, please let me know so I can pursue other options.” And if “crickets” prevail, you cut your losses with a final message: “Since I haven’t heard back, I take it that you prefer not to follow up. I’ll assume our business is concluded if I don’t hear from you by tomorrow.”
Simple, clear communication takes little time or effort. It earns goodwill by showing respect and consideration, which may pay off. When delivering bad news, it is essential to remember to be professional and polite. Being direct is crucial, as it shows respect for the other person’s time and effort. Some ways to deliver bad news professionally include:
• Thank the other person for their effort and time.
• Provide a brief explanation as to why you cannot move forward.
• Wishing them success or good luck in their future endeavors.
• Don’t leave room for false hope. Be honest and upfront.
Ghosting is a behavior where one person suddenly stops responding to another’s attempts at communication without any explanation or warning. It occurs in various contexts, including romantic relationships, friendships, and professional connections. Ghosting is very hurtful and confusing to the person being ignored, as it leaves them with unanswered questions and can lead to feelings of rejection, self-doubt, and anxiety. There is also a sense of powerlessness, as the person being ghosted has no control over the situation and cannot communicate or resolve any issues. Ghosting damages reputation and trustworthiness and can also perpetuate a cycle of avoidance and emotional avoidance, making it more difficult for them to form healthy and meaningful connections in the future.
Communicate professionally. Be willing to engage in difficult conversations and learn how to grow through them. No one wants to be ignored. Treat others the way you would like to be treated yourself.
A wisecrack says: “Ghosts are terrible liars because you can see right through them.” And may I add that what you see “ain’t pretty!”
(Francis Kong’s “Inspiring Excellence” podcast is now available on Spotify, Apple, Google, or other podcast streaming platforms.)