Time to chill. Today, we will take a day off from all these serious businesses about business and leadership. And hope that this humorous material brings a smile to your face.
Scriptures say that “Laughter is good medicine and a broken spirit dries the bones.”
What makes me laugh the most are witty short one-liners:
Groucho Marx says: “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.”
Steve Martin, who is exceptionally talented and intelligent, says: “A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.”
This material from cybersalt.org is not a one-liner humor thingy, but it talks about how a man can invent purpose to justify one’s actions. The title is: CALORIES DON’T COUNT.
Dieting is easier when you factor in recently determined calorie counting principles. The following are calories that don’t count:
Custom Made Food: Anything somebody made “just for you” must be eaten regardless of the calories because to do otherwise would be rude. But don’t worry, because the calories don’t count.
Food eaten quickly: If you are rushed through a meal, the entire meal doesn’t count. Conversely, if you have ordered something fattening and now regret it, you can minimize its calories by gulping it down.
Other people’s food: A chocolate mousse that you did not order has no calories. Therefore, have your companion order dessert, and eat half of it.
Ingredients in cooking: Chocolate chips are fattening. So are chocolate chip cookies! However, chocolate chips eaten while making cookies have no calories whatsoever. Therefore, make chocolate chip cookies often but don’t eat them.
Leftovers: An extra hamburger, a hotdog butt, half a Twinkie, anything intended for the garbage has no calories regardless of what happens in the kitchen.
TV FOOD: Anything eaten in front of a TV has no calories. This may have something to do with the radiation leakage, which negates the calories in the food and all recollection of having eaten it. Entire “no-calories dinners” are now manufactured and frozen for this purpose.
Anything smaller than one inch: contains no calories to speak of – for example, chocolate kisses, cubes of cheese, or maraschino cherries.
Children’s food: Anything purchased, produced, or intended for minors is calorie-free when eaten by adults. This category covers a wide range, beginning with a spoonful of baby tapioca consumed for demonstration purposes, including cookies baked and sent to college.
Charitable foods: Girl Scout cookies, bake sale cookies, ice cream socials, and church strawberry festivals all have a religious dispensation from calories. I heard this last Sunday.
Left-handed food: If you have a drink in your right hand, anything eaten with the other hand has no calories.
And last, food on foot: All food eaten while standing has no calories.
Exactly why is not clear, but the current theory relates to gravity. The calories bypass the stomach. It flows directly down the legs and through the soles of the feet into the floor. Walking seems to accelerate this process so that a frozen custard or hotdog eaten at a carnival has a calorie deficit.1
You say all these sounds crazy, yet you cannot imagine how people would invent excuses and justifications for their actions or the things they want to continue doing.
“I am with her or him because I just want to be happy,” says the unfaithful spouse. “I took the money because I work so hard, the company is making a lot of money, and they pay me poorly.” Says the embezzler. “If I do not take advantage of my position and put the money in my pocket, then when would I ever have the opportunity to do this again? Besides, my friends and most people will say I am dumb and stupid!”
Purposes can be reinvented like the “calories” explanation in our feature today, but can one really escape the consequences of their actions?
As said, “we have the freedom to choose our choices and do whatever we want, and no one has the power to stop us.” But this is just one part of the equation. The other part also says that “However, we cannot escape the consequences of our choices, and no one is powerful enough to stop us from doing so.”
And no matter how creative, funny, or crazy one can reinvent purpose, the Scriptures says: “Be not deceived, God is not mock. Whatsoever a man sows, so shall he reaps.”
It’s funny, but when it comes to this solid principle, it is deadly serious and not funny at all.
(Francis Kong runs his highly acclaimed Level Up Leadership 2.0 Master Class Online this July 5-7. For inquiries and reservations, contact April at +63928-559-1798 or and for more information, visit www.levelupleadership.ph)