E minus R equals C

Albert Einstein’s theory of special relativity indicates that mass and energy can be converted into each other according to the famous equation E = mc2, where E is energy, m is mass, and c is the speed of light.

There is another formula. This one is not related to physics, but is referred to as the international formula for conflict. It can be applied to business, family relationships, and almost everything else in general. The formula works this way: E minus R equals C.

Expectations minus reality equals conflict

Ever wondered why you get angry? You give a biting remark and dish it out on your direct report. You used sarcasm on your kids or your spouse. Most often, you regret it later though you would never admit it. And what about partnerships in business or transactions between vendors and clients? Conflicts arise, and conversations turn heated when this formula begins to play. Whether it is a conflict with a customer, a supplier, a business partner or even a family member, it is always when expectations do not meet reality.

You tell your spouse, we’ll go out of town this weekend, so get the kids ready, and she does. Then you come up with an excuse, “the boss wants me to work this weekend.”

The kid comes home with a report card with scores that make you feel like all your sacrifice meant nothing. The reality of the scores on the kid’s card does not reflect the expectations you have for the kid.

Here comes the dreaded annual performance review. The feedback given by the boss means “you have to work harder if you expect to stay in your job,” while the employee was expecting, “Good job, this makes you a candidate for promotions.” A conflict then arises, and the person quits.

Now we’re in trouble. Some people know how to repair the damage immediately; others don’t and they walk away. This is not a good thing.

Perhaps we may want to consider prevention and not scramble for a cure when it happens. Instead, what we should do is manage expectations. Set expectations at the early stage, and then try your best to beat it with reality.

We tell customers what to expect and then deliver beyond their expectations -- that would delight them. They get SURPRISED with the results. This way, you create positive equity with customers. Most successful companies behave this way. They are constantly overdelivering. They set expectations: “This product will be delivered to you two days from now, around 4 pm.” The product arrives at my place the day before or on the same day, but in the morning. Guess what happened? I am SURPRISED and I tend to do more business with the same company.

It is imperative to set goals and deliverables for your people or your team to achieve. But first things first. You have to evaluate whether the goals are realistically achievable honestly. Secondly, in light of the current stressful working conditions, figure out what you have to do if they do not?

When expectations are set and articulated, and then targets are achieved, what you may want to do is to “SURPRISE” the team with an unexpected reward. Rewards do not need to be flashy and expensive, but it has to be meaningful. A way of saying, “You are appreciated, and your work does not go unnoticed.” And if they fail to meet expectations, show empathy and tell them to do better because you understand their situation. This “SURPRISES” them too. Your people will know that you are an inspiring leader and, above all, you care for them.

When you get into a fight with the people you love, there is little value in pointing a finger and doing the blame game. Say you are sorry and mean it because that is what love does. Restore the relationship and do not allow pride to stand in the way. Be willing to lose your pride for the people you love, but never lose the people you love because of your pride.

Think about this. We get upset and get angry when we are “SURPRISED” because our expectations are unmet. One lesson I have learned before I get upset: Were my expectations realistic? And what effect on the person would my response be in terms of relationship, value, and future transactions?

Let’s go back to Albert Einstein. He also says: “Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.” And best to understand the self and our expectations so it leads to more practical and pragmatic reality.

(Francis Kong’s highly acclaimed Level Up Leadership Master Class Online will have its final run for the year from Nov. 17 to 19. For inquiries and reservations, contact April at +63928-559-1798 or and for more information, visit www.levelupleadership.ph)