W.A.I.T. Why Am I Talking?

Peter McIntyre resides in Ireland. He is retired, but what he did many years ago, he still does today. And that he is sending me materials and articles he thinks I may find helpful. Perhaps when I retire, I will do the same. Send materials to friends and clients, hoping that they will find the stuff helpful. Some wise guy says: “What do you call a person who is happy on Monday? Retired.” But I am still happy doing a lot of training through webinars these days, and I am glad everyday. So retirement will have to wait.

Peter sent an article written by David Emerald entitled: W.A.I.T. - Why Am I Talking? Here it is.

Talk is constant and pretty “cheap” these days because anyone can comment on the many social media sites and talk, talk, talk. There are over 500 million tweets each day on Twitter alone.

But W.A.I.T. Ask yourself: “Why Am I Talking?”

I recently heard this acronym and smiled. We like acronyms that help us remember a concept or new habit we want to develop.

Two weeks ago we purchased a new car – our first in 12 years. Since we had not purchased a new car in a very long while, it was an opportunity to experience a wide range of talking and selling approaches as we visited several dealerships. Some were subtle – and not so subtle.

We met one young man who eventually admitted it was his first week of selling cars. He talked non-stop about his experiences with cars and what he looks for when purchasing a car himself. Subtly, he appeared victimized by his sense of insecurity. He talked non-stop, chattering away, and seemed powerless to know how to help us.

In another case, we felt victimized by the stereotypical car salesman (i.e., persecutor), who stood at the door with his manager, insisting that we couldn’t leave their dealership until they had a chance to give us a price on the old car we were trading.

Finally, we experienced an empowering, thoughtful, and engaging salesperson at another dealership. He asked insightful and helpful questions, and listened deeply. We felt seen, heard, and appreciated. (No surprise, we bought our new car from him.) This salesperson “sold” us by being a coach helping us clarify our needs and desires.

And, we later realized he W.A.I.T.ed. We did most of the talking – not him.

If you are unconscious of the reason you are talking, you can quickly go reactive to the moment and blurt out the first words that come to mind.

Instead of unconsciously talking, take a moment before you choose your words and ask yourself: W.A.I.T. – Why Am I Talking?

1. Am I talking to seek approval and to be overly helpful?

2. Am I talking to control and take charge of the situation?

3. Am I talking to complain and whine about all I don’t like?

Many of our behaviors are habitual and probably none more so than talking. Here are a few reflective questions to ask yourself before you leap into a conversation:

- What is my intention behind what I am about to say?

- Is there a question I could ask that would help me better understand what the other person is saying and perceiving?

- How might I listen and let go of my urge to talk at this moment?

If we all did a little more W.A.I.T.ing and a little less talking, we believe this world would be a more empowering and co-creative place. [1]

I cannot agree with David more. A fine piece of article that reminds us of how we can communicate effectively. I had to reduce many technical terms included in the article, to which I apologize, but I certainly encourage you to look at his website and learn more. Go to www.powerofted.com.

I enjoy having “alignment meetings” with clients. In H.R. terms, these are called “T.N.A.” or “Training Needs Analysis.” I spend a great deal of time asking questions and allow my clients to tell me their stories, present their needs, and direct me to the objectives they want to achieve. The question part takes longer than my talking part. Clients appreciate the process, and W.A.I.T. is constantly a reminder to listen more and talk less. It works for me, and I am confident it works for you too.

My thanks to my retired friend Peter. He is a source of help for me, which means he is not really retired, is he?

(Level Up Leadership Master Class online will run from Oct. 13 to15. For inquiries and reservations, contact April at +63928-559-1798 or and for more information, visit www.levelupleadership.ph)

[1] https://powerofted.com/w-a-i-t-why-am-i-talking-2/