Ten commandments for seniors

“God has a plan for your life.” Ever heard of that line? Bible scholars would say that this line lifted from the Old Testament has been used loosely today and would not be theologically accurate considering the context in which it was used in Scriptures. I discovered a funny site that offer a different version. The title is: “God has a plan for seniors.”

Most seniors never get enough exercise. In His wisdom, God decreed that seniors become forgetful so they would have to search for their glasses, keys, and other things, thus doing more walking. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God saw there was another need. In His wisdom, He made seniors lose coordination so they would drop things, requiring them to bend, reach, and stretch. And God looked down and saw that it was good.

Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.

So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath.

Now I am sure that theologians would go crazy with statements like these; specially if they happen to be theologians who are seniors.

A couple of years ago, a few speakers and I were featured in a business conference. During the question and answer portion, a participant asked me a question. From my perspective, I detected that the answer he was looking for hides sneakily behind the question he asked. I said, “Could you ask the question again and speak a little slower this time?” My intention was to prove that the answer he was seeking is already in his question.

Trying to be cute and funny, one of the speakers grabbed the microphone and threw out an inappropriate comment. He said: “You have to forgive my speaker friend here as he is old and maybe hard of hearing.” There was very little but nervous laughter from the audience. I controlled myself from reverting back with a heavier insult that could have floored him right there and then but things ended well as I will give you the rest of the story later.

My high school friends sent me this material. I find it funny as well and practical and the article is entitled: “Ten Commandments for Seniors.”

1. THOU SHALT NOT COMPLAIN.

2. THOU SHALT NOT DISCUSS THY AILMENTS, EVEN IF ASKED.

3. THOU SHALT NOT BE ARGUMENTATIVE, DOMINEERING & SANCTIMONIOUS.

4. THOU SHALT NOT FEEL SORRY FOR THYSELF.

5. THOU SHALT NOT DESPAIRINGLY COMPARE TODAY WITH THE “GOOD OLD DAYS.”

6. THOU SHALT NOT FIND TOO MUCH FAULT WITH YOUNGER PEOPLE.

7. THOU SHALT NOT LET THYSELF GROW SLOPPY IN BODY, DRESS OR MIND.

8. THOU SHALT NOT EXPECT CONSTANT ATTENTION FROM THY FAMILY.

9. THOU SHALT NOT TRY TO CHANGE PEOPLE.

10. THOU SHALT NOT INSIST UPON BEING RIGHT AT ALL TIME.

So how did I handle this situation with the speaker who hurled an inappropriate comment against me in front of more than 300 people in the audience? I did the most ethical thing to do. I ignored him, and turned my attention to the person asking the question. Then I gently pointed out that the answer lies in the question he asked and then expounded on the logic of the answer. And the audience applauded.

Never underestimate the intelligence of the audience. Perhaps they like the way I pulled out the answer or perhaps they see me as the underdog bullied by a practitioner of my same profession. And this is where the article on a senior made sense, quietly I thought to myself. “Sure I am many years older than the speaker but I have maintained my disposition and competence that gives me the confidence in these senior years of mine. And this speaker better makes sure that should he get older, he better be confident and competent he can still be of use and be of service in his chosen profession.” I cannot change him - that is commandment number 9. I should not let myself grow sloppy in body, dress or mind - that is commandment number 7. And there is absolutely no reason why anyone should feel sorry for getting old - and that is commandment number 4.

So if you are reading this and you are enjoying it, this may mean you are not exactly young are you? Welcome to the club.

(Connect with Francis Kong in www.facebook.com/franciskong2. Or listen to “Business Matters” Monday to Friday 8:00 a.m. and 6:30 p.m. over 98.7 dzFE-FM ‘The Master’s Touch’, the classical music station.)