The comparison game

“What’s the matter with you?!” exclaimed the manager. “How come you always mess the simple things up that I tell you to do?” “Why can’t you be like Lito who is always dependable?’

How do you rate this manager?

First, he uses the word “always” and second, he compares one person with another.

So, the question now is, would you say he is a good manager or not a very good one? And how would you deal with the situation suppose you happen to be the manager in question?

Now here is another scenario.

“What’s the matter with you?!” yelled the father. “How come you are always lazy and could not bring home high grades?” “Why can’t you be like your sister who is in the honor role?”

Now how would you rate the father this time?

The sure-fire way to demoralize a person is to compare that person to someone else. Comparing will never motivate someone to perform better. It only sows the seed of bitterness and resentment within the person and if that is not dealt with correctly will one day explode and bring much bigger problems.

The happiest people I have met in my life are the ones who are focused on improving their craft and are not busy comparing others with themselves.

These same happy folks are also the people who focus more on what they do, not on what they have.

This doesn’t mean that they are not competitive, in fact they are. The only difference is that they do not compete against other people, but rather compete against themselves.

They understand that there will always be others who are better, so they try their best instead to learn from them. They realize as well that there are others who are not as strong yet they still respect them. They also know that happiness is a result of a great outcome and consistent improvement.

They share their success too with others knowing that they cannot make it on their own. They need others to help them succeed and so they are generous and secure enough to help other people prosper as well.

Now let me be fair. To have solo success may be good for one’s ego but achieving something with others or a team makes the entire experience more awesome.

Positive connections are created that may last a lifetime when happiness is shared. And the antithesis of this? Playing the comparison game.

Comparing will rob people of happiness.

I remember having an extremely good year in business. I wanted to share the blessings with my people, something they didn’t anticipate. That was when all the troubles began.

All of the simple folks were delightfully surprised but some executives began bickering. It didn’t make sense at all to me. I found out only later that the source of their quarrel stems not from them being deprived.

The fact is that the executives actually received bonuses they did not expect, still they wanted more and wished that the simple folks’ bonuses should have been given to them instead so they could have gotten more, hence the source of bickering and unhappiness.

The blessing became a curse. Had I known this would be the outcome then I would have given the entire bonus to the simple folks and none to the higher positioned jerks.

The impediment to joy and happiness is comparison.

Comparisons kill. No matter how successful you are there will always be someone who is more successful. No matter how big your business gets, there will always be a bigger business.

A while back, I posted this material on my FB pages and on all of my digital spaces. The material says:

There are three (major) things that drive people to do wrong things:

1. Pride – Always thinking “I” am better.

2. Envy – Cannot accept the fact that others are better.

3. Fear – Afraid that there will be others who are better.

The best way to deal with this is to consider that others are still better than yourself. This way we become perpetual students of life and we indeed get better

Unless you’re Serena Williams or Stephen Hawking or Bill Gates, there is always someone better or smarter or richer.

To be happy, only compare yourself to the person you were yesterday—and to the person you hope to become someday.

You may never be the best, but you will gain incredible satisfaction from being the best that you can possibly be. That’s all you can control—and all that really matters.

So stop comparing and start being grateful.

(Attend “Stand Out for Outstanding Performance” will be held on Sept. 9, 2015 at the Metro Tent inside Metro Walk along Ortigas Blvd. Be inspired and learn from speakers  Chinkee Tan, Bryan Kong and Karen Davila as they share principles on how to become great achievers. For further inquiries contact Inspire at 09158055910 or call 632-6310912 or 6310660 for details)