Medical chart

Sometimes I get on the case of politicians. I joke a lot about businessmen. And I sure make fun of a lot of lawyers.

How about those in the medical field? Well, this one is for them.

Have you ever wondered about the stuff doctors put in their charts? I have. The following is a collection of what exactly goes into doctors’ medical charts.

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. (The pain or the knee?)

3. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. (I wonder what’s wrong… with the doctor?)

4. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission. (Hmmm…)

5. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

6. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

7. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

8. Healthy-appearing, decrepit 69-year old male. Mentally alert but forgetful.

9. She is numb from her toes down. (Shoes included?)

10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

11. The skin was moist and dry.

12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

13. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

14. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

15. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. (Maybe he meant “care”?)

16. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. (I really don’t understand what the doctor meant here.)

17. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

18. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. (Now this I totally understand.)

I’m sure the doctors were in a hurry when they wrote these down on their medical charts. Most are almost always are, and pressured too, being on call every moment of every day.

But just like any profession, there are good doctors and there are bad doctors. The good ones are those who take the extra effort to explain to the patient and make him understand his condition or situation. Good doctors are careful and caring in their treatment. They see the patient as a human being, not just as another medical case.

A businessman went to the doctor one day and told him that he hasn’t been feeling well. The doctor examined businessman, left the room and came back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor instructed, “Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water.”

Startled to be put on so much medicine, the man stammered, “My goodness, Doc, what exactly is my problem?”

“The pills don’t do anything,” the doctor answered, “But you’re not drinking enough water.”

Now that’s a good doctor.

Benjamin Franklin said, “God heals but the doctors take the fees.” I don’t think that’s totally fair to the doctors. I say, God heals, and He uses doctors to do just that.

(Attend “Winning Disciplines for Success” on Feb. 24, 2012 at the SMX Convention Center. Learn best practices on business, creative, physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual disciplines from the industry’s best: Butch Jimenez, Dyan Castillejo, Jeric Soriano, Paul Soriano and Francis Kong. For further inquiries, contact Inspire Leadership Consultancy Inc. at 632-6872614 or 09178511115.)