The other women

Breastmilk is the best source of nutrition for infants—no doubt about that. Breastfeeding offers a handful of benefits for mothers and newborns that milk substitutes cannot. However, it is somewhat disturbing that a mother’s choice of milk as she raises her child has become grounds for judgment between and among mothers.

More than a decision based on scientific evidence, the mother’s choice to breastfeed her child beyond the first year of life is often the result of various factors. It is not because they are irresponsible or are less maternal as they are often depicted to be by some breastfeeding advocates.

For breastfeeding advocates to look down on other women who have chosen or are forced otherwise has turned the act of breastfeeding into a measure of morals and intelligence. Definitely, their decision not to breastfeed does not make them less of a mother or a woman. Unfortunately, they are castigated and are seen by activists as second-class citizens with no right whatsoever to expect the best for their non-breastfed children, deriding them the way mistresses and other pariahs are in a harsh way that has no room in civilized society.

Prejudice and preaching has transformed breastfeeding into anything but what it simply is: an exercise in expressing love and bonding between mother and child.

For sure, breastfeeding advocates deserve to be feted for their hard work. However, they should do so without being judgmental and without deriding those who cannot or do not breastfeed, especially if this is beyond the first year of a child’s life. There is a way of educating women and mothers without resorting to ostracizing or labeling other women unfairly.

Medical concerns are said to be the only acceptable reasons for not breastfeeding. If this is truly the case, where does this leave the less fortunate mothers who must work to augment the family income? A growing number of women are part of the work force, and they have reported that this affects their production of breast milk. Expressing milk takes a significant amount of time, and so many working mothers have said that they are unable to express milk at the workplace because of time constraints, lack of privacy, or simply because they are not in a relaxed state. Moreover, so many poor women cannot afford to buy breast pumps. There are also no refrigerators to store breastmilk in many offices, including those run by the government. Ultimately, these mothers are faced with the dilemma of choosing between working and breastfeeding exclusively. This is a harsh choice to make, when in fact they have options at their disposal, such as milk substitutes.

Also, the fact remains that not all women are comfortable breastfeeding in public. We have our culture to blame for that. If a mother is compelled to breastfeed in public despite her discomfort, is this humane?

Perhaps the most awful point taken against non-breastfeeding mothers is the stigma of being bad mothers: that by not breastfeeding, they are depriving their child of maternal love and care. Certainly, this is a very superficial definition of maternal love. The mother-child bond is the strongest and deepest of bonds that cannot be defined by one act such as how they choose to nourish their children. That would be akin to trivializing this bond.

No mother should be judged because of how they nourish their children. Instead of bedeviling mothers who are unable to exclusively breastfeed, perhaps advocates can spend their energies on spreading relevant and correct information regarding breastfeeding, especially to those living in impoverished areas. Not all non-breastfeeding women do so by choice; many would want to, but are deprived of the proper information and guidance. This is where the Milk Code comes in, which primarily aims to safeguard the health and nutrition of both mother and child by promoting breastfeeding. However, what seems to be transpiring is a restriction of choices for mothers in raising their children. Even worse is that a contest of maternal love gauged by the length that a mother has breastfed her child is being played (or stressed on others) by staunch uncompromising activists.

What we need is to go back to advocating for what is best for the mother and child, and that is to promote informed choice among women, breast or otherwise.

For comments, e-mail at [email protected].