The human brain thinks and processes thoughts faster than the human ear can hear. But sometimes, while in the middle of a speech and we’re trying to fill in the gaps, we still say stuff that turns out to be funny and ridiculous.
I have had moments like that. I’m sure you have too. Here’s a list of statements people had actually said in court, word for word, as taken down in the thing called Disorder by the court reporter of the American Courts, who is subjected to the torment of sitting through all of it while keeping a straight face:
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
Here’s another one:
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
And another one:
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
Frankly I really do not know what the attorney had meant by that, so let’s go to the next one:
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Next:
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
The witness was obviously upset there. Next one:
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
And the next one:
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
And the last one:
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I’m going with male.
We need to think first before we speak. Really, we need to think. Period. We need to practice the art of thinking.
Don’t mimic. Don’t copy. Be an original. Process things. Think things through. Because when people do not think, they follow cults. When people do not think, they say things they regret. When people do not think, well, they do not make use of their God-given facility, and that’s saying it politely.
Educator and writer Laurence J. Peter said, “My problem is I say what I’m thinking before I think what I’m saying.” He’s right - that is a problem.
At the end of the day, there are just two kinds of people: those who stop to think and those who have stopped thinking. Make sure you belong to the right group.
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