Twenty new funny management styles

I came across this article about different management styles. Check it out, and see to which type you belong:

1) MANAGING BY WALKING FASTER THAN THE EMPLOYEES

This kind of managers you will always see in the corridor, 10 steps away. “We’ll have to talk” you can hear them say, just as they have disappeared around the corner.

2) MANAGING BY STARING OUT OF THE WINDOW

These managers you usually meet with their backside faced to you and with their hands in their pockets. When you talk to them, they stare out of the windows in deep thought. 

3) MANAGING BY POST-ITS

Some managers forget everything. They want to impress you with their “busy-ness” by continuously writing on Post-Its while you are talking.

4) MANAGING BY DELEGATION TO THE SECRETARY

These managers just delegate everything to the secretary. If he is good, he knows what she must do.

5) MANAGING BY KNOWING NOTHING

These managers don’t really know anything at all. They let YOU give answers. Meanwhile they fill the time with nice anecdotes of irrelevant cases.

6) MANAGING BY CONCEPTUAL THINKING

These people try to explain the present from a theoretical view of the far future. The idea that this never will work, completely satisfies them: They will always have something to talk about.

7) MANAGING BY HIDING INFORMATION

Information hiders are aware of the market value of strictly-kept secret information. You must be very thankful to get any information at all. Beware of simulants from category 5!

8) MANAGING BY DOING EXACTLY WHAT THE BOSS SAYS

These managers prevent their bosses from creative thinking. Else they get more work to do.

9) MANAGING BY WALKING ONE FOOT BEHIND THE BOSS

In hierarchical organizations, you can watch those groups walking in the corridor. The more equal managers are directly followed by the “lesser” managers, and so on.

10) MANAGING BY SMILING AND WEARING NICE SUITS

If you drink beer with them, lunch with them, smile to them, and also wear nice suits, nothing can stop your career anymore.

11) MANAGING BY STUDYING

Despite their continual attendance of all kind of studies and congresses, they still belong to category 5. The longer they learn, the further they get from the practice.

12) MANAGING BY CREATING VAGUE POWERPOINT PRESENTATIONS

Have you seen those? Those slides with some big arrows, boxes or circles?

These slides provide the ultimate proof of their overall brilliance.

13) MANAGING BY OPEN DOOR AND EMPTY ROO

This is a major improvement of the older ‘OPEN DOOR’ management style. Now you can really walk in and out anytime you want. Nobody ever knows where these managers are.

14) MANAGING BY SPEAKING WITH OTHER MANAGERS

This kind of managing is very popular. It gives managers, within a few hours, the same information an employee can tell them in 15 minutes.

15) MANAGING BY HAVING A NON-SUPPORTING INFRASTRUCTURE

In an organization with a hopeless infrastructure, managers are really necessary. These managers will naturally prevent the organization from having a better infrastructure.

16) BUA MANAGEMENT (BY USING ABBREVIATIONS)

This management style is ATRASACWOC (Adopted To Reach A Shorter And Clearer Way Of Communication).

17) MANAGING BY USING BUZZ WORDS

These managers like to bluff your head off with hip, nearly undefined terms.

18) MANAGING BY REORGANIZATION

If they think there is nothing more to organize, they reorganize.

19) MANAGING BY BELIEVING

These managers must be spiritually educated, because they have no clues at all.

20) MANAGING BY FORGETTING PROMISES

If you remind them to one of their promises, the priority of that promise is too low to remember.

May I make a suggestion?

Lead, don’t manage. Model, don’t mandate. You get things done this way, and you earn the respect you want.

(Get daily inspirational quotes and thoughts from Francis! Send “Inspire” to 288 for Smart or Sun, and 2889 for Globe subscribers. Visit facebook.com/franciskong2 for more details.)